Re-Focusing

I started this year off with a fury and in the first few months I posted (and wrote) more than I had previously. I’m trying my damndest to make something of myself using these words. I typed and scribbled in my notebook turning my ideas and dreams into stories for you to read. I was putting in work as the kids would say, but recently I have not been doing anything. We in the industry call it writers block, and it is a bitch. 

actual selfie of me at my computer #nofilter

                 My morning routine is to wake up, start my coffee, shower, drink my coffee and write. Whether I write one paragraph or an entire piece depends, but I always write. Though lately it has been more of me getting up and staring at the blinking vertical line in a word document and then saying “fuck it” and click around the internet until I realize I haven’t accomplished anything and now I have to go to work.  

                I have ideas, I always have ideas, but my execution isn’t there. I can’t really figure it out. I just haven’t been myself these last few weeks. It could be the fact that work is getting to me and I need a vacation or a new one. It could be I haven’t been eating as much lately and the lack of proper nutrition is making me all loopy. Maybe my bar closing has made me sad. Maybe because I doubt I’ll see the awesome bartender from said bar anytime in the near future. Maybe it’s the fact that I didn’t get her number. Maybe it is the fact that it is spring and I want to be outside all day like I’m a kid again. Maybe it is the fact that my place looks like a war zone and I haven’t been motivated to clean it lately. Maybe it is because I haven’t been reading as much as of late. Maybe I'm always angry because I cant see my forehead. Maybe it has been the constant doubt of my writing ability. Maybe I need to poop. Maybe it is my budding rap and country careers (albums coming bitches . . . not really, but maybe). Maybe it is because I can never sleep.

Maybe it is just a combination of all these things bouncing around in my head all day keeping me unfocused. It is most likely the first thing on that list. Whenever work starts eating at my nerves I always tail off with my creativity it has been like this as long as I have been writing. The worst part about work is the struggle to apply for new jobs and never hearing back for them.

I need to just tell myself over and over that I will find something else sooner than later and bring my focus back to my writing and get back to my grind that I was on for the first three and a half months of the year.

I finally finished Part 5 of my untitled story (though I have a title, you don’t know it yet) which for some reason took me longer than any other part yet it is the shortest. Maybe that being out of the way will help me relax. That will be the next post after this one so look for it, and look for a constant stream of material after as I try to refocus myself and get back to doing what I love to do.