Normally when I do one of these
Throwback Thursday posts it is full of happiness, a touch of sentiment, and a
lot of reminiscing, but today I am filled with rage . . . added to all the other
things mentioned above.
What has me so riled up? Video
games.
I have never been a huge video
gamer, but back in the day there was nothing better than coming home from
school and beating my brother at NHL 96 for the Sega Genesis while he beat me
at nearly every other game, or going over to my buddy Mike’s house and four
of us plugging into the N64 and playing some Golden Eye. When we got older the systems changed to the Play Station and the Game Cube where we all sat in a room together eating Domino's
talking while our thumbs clicked the buttons.
Five or six of us would pile into
my little room and my parents house, pop Super Smash Brothers into that wonderful purple cube and we would brawl for hours on end usually I wasn’t the
victor, but my character was the greatest of all time and I was surrounded by
friends having real life conversation, so it didn't matter that I killed myself more than my enemies.
Even today I’ll have people over
(usually just my brother) and sit next to them why we tackle some video game
together drinking beers and being blown away by random math theories
coming from my brother’s mouth. Like this guy Zeno who blew my mind with his
thought . . . he was a philosopher and math people basically told him he was
wrong and to go fuck himself and they came up with some crazy shit where you
multiply a letter to some numbers and it does some black magic voodoo and proves Zeno wrong. I mean go read about Zeno’s paradox right
here on the always reliable Wikipedia. Shit is
confusing and hurts my head. I know words, I don’t want to think about math and
how it actually has relevance to life I’ll leave that to Andrew.
Now like usual I have to transition
back to my topic because I went on some unrelated tangent.
Hold on one second; let me look
back . . . ah, video games that’s right.
As you may have noted at the beginning
I said I was full of rage. That may not have shown just but now I will tell you
why I am full of anger. I touched on it here and
some of those are still reasons, I really still can’t see my gosh darn forehead
for Christ’s sake.
But, that has nothing to do with
this post so I digress.
I am angry today in a way related
to this post and I will now get to this.
Back in the day playing a multi player
video game required to you to have actual friends sitting in the room with you,
but now these bastards at the video games companies put everything online to
make them more money. Well fuck them.
I get playing online, you play
tougher competition and it may be fun, but I am an old school type of fellow
and I want to play a co-op campaign with some sitting next to me drinking beers
and shooting the shit like real fucking people. Why do they make these new games one player
with multi player only online? It is dumb and makes me want to just . . . it
makes me want to . . .
Ok, maybe not that extreme, but it
sure does make me angry. I refuse to buy new systems because I can’t play some
cool shooter game with friends unless I pay for some online service and play with them over the interwebs. I should start a petition to have them make a
remake of Golden Eye with only offline multiplayer: someone go do that for me.
Also, include that the game when bought should come with a Domino's gift
certificate. I would buy a PS4 or Xbox One if that was the case.
Why can’t we be social in our lame
video gaming playing? If anyone out there reading this wants to play video
games with me call me and come over and we can take down warlocks or whatever
the fuck you fight in Golden Axe.
Now I will calm down and get to
the next section of my Throwback Thursday post which should get you dancing.
The following is a small list of
some of the games I loved and still love and play enjoy and come over and play
some time.
NHL 96
This is my favorite game ever and I will challenge any one.
Bring it the fuck on bitches. It is in my basement ready to go. Let's grab beers randomize the teams and have a tournament. I also have very fond memories of my Uncle Tommy always bringing this game down when he visited and we would play endlessly.
Tecmo Super Bowl
The greatest football video game ever, you all can keep your
Madden and I’ll just run all over you with the unstoppable Bo Jackson. I
actually had a tournament of this game last year and I should have another one so my
buddy Nick can defend his title.
Super Mario Bros. 1 & 3
I was always Luigi and Andrew was always Mario. I died a lot
and he carried us to victory, but still I love these two NES greats (more Mario
to come)
Mortal Kombat 2
A Button mashing game at its finest. I would just nut punch
my opponents with Johnny Cage then hit them with the friendship because I didn’t (and still don't) know any of the Fatality moves.
Super Smash Brothers Melee.
I mentioned it above. I am not very good, but if I hit you
with that number 9 with Mr. Game and Watch after an assault of sausage I will send
you flying into the abyss.
Super Mario World
Once again I was always Luigi and either Andrew or Yesabel
was Mario, once again I died a lot and they carried the team. Yesabel was freakishly
good at this game, I wonder if she still has it? I should get it for her and
her fiancé Nick for a wedding present.
*strokes beard*
Mario Kart 64
Another game involving that Italian plumber from Japan, but
you cannot deny the endless fun involved and now since we are grownups we can
play Beerio Kart!!!
NBA Hang Time
Made by the same folks as NBA Jam so it had all of the excitement
and great sayings as that game but it was paired with the bonus of creating a
character with a basketball as a head, so it was always my preferred game. And still
reigns as my favorite NBA video game.
Golden Eye
I was never good at this game and I still suck but it is
super fun when you have four guys in a room yelling at each other as they pump
each other full of bullets.
Streets of Rage
This game came on the same cartridge as 5 other games, how fantastic
is that? Six awesome games for the price of one! They would never do that shit
now. Minus the fact I always use my special early in a level because I have big
thumbs I am actually pretty good at this game . . . still not as good as Andrew,
so he usually carried the team once again.
Sonic 2
The best Sonic game (and when you stuck this cartridge into
the sonic and Knuckles game you can play through Sonic 2 as Knuckles and
discover secret shit, god Sega was the greatest), I don’t know if I ever
actually defeated Dr. Robotinic in the final level, I should go downstairs and
try. I am sure Andrew beat hi, fucking asshole.
That is
enough of a list for now, but trust me there are so many more great games like
Boogerman, Aladdin, Lion King, Beavis and Butt Head, GTA San Andreas, Ninja
Turtles, Borderlands, the original Medal of Honor, and the aforementioned
Golden Axe. I would be here all day listing games so I won’t do that. Maybe I’ll
have another post in the future with more games, but for now I shall spare you.
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