"Let's try anal tonight." My boyfriend said as casual as if it were anything else. As causal as if he was telling me we were going to have pizza tonight. I never did anal before; it seemed odd and distant to me, but I mulled it over and agreed. I was in a mood where I was down to try new things. It also was a good choice because a slip up in my health care coverage had me missing the last month of my birth control.
What was the worst that could happen?
We were in the bedroom he was kissing me up and down, sucking on my breasts, with two fingers deep inside my vagina. He then made his way to the backdoor. One finger shoved in: he twisted it to the right; he twisted it to the left, smacked my ass, stuck another finger in, and twisted to the right. A loud rumbling started, I began shaking like I was having a seizure. He pulled his fingers out, and fell backwards and fell to the floor.
"Babe. . . uhhh. . . "
I was in tears and couldn’t answer him as I saw a beam of blue light flow from my asshole and watched as a tall muscular brunette woman armed like an ancient roman soldier step out of me. My body stopped shaking. The woman lifted a long spear and shoved it into my boyfriend’s neck. His blood spattered along the green walls of my bedroom, and onto my white comforter. I stood frozen as the woman ran off and out of my house. I called 911.
“So what you’re telling me lady is that a female dressed as a Roman centurion crawled out of your ass and killed your boyfriend?”
I sat there exhausted tired and I just wanted to go home. I nodded. The police office started to laugh again. It seemed it got funnier every time he repeated my story.
“Maybe we should call Kurt Russell and have him lead an expedition into your asshole.” He laughed some more.
After hours of laughter my lawyer finally arrived, and though I could tell he thought I was a complete loon he demanded a doctor come and take a look into my ass.
The doctor arrived. She was a beautiful blonde with a breasts that would rival Kate Upton’s, and as a former practicing lesbian, I approved of my lawyers choice. She put a glove on with a bit of lube: she shoved it into my ass and followed the same pattern I described that my boyfriend did that fateful night as a butch female officer and my lawyer looked on.
Once her second finger was inserted and turned to the right I began shaking as a radiant light exploded from my ass and two Roman centurion women sprang from my asshole. The glanced around at the room said something that may have been Latin and killed my lawyer, the only male in the room.
A few days later news was all over the city that three women dressed as Roman Centurion’s were killing every male they came across. Panic was in the air. I was brought in by two female CIA agents, as the men were terrified to be seen in public. They flew me to Langley and entered the same code that the doctor and my boyfriend had entered. This time no one came out of my ass instead a group of secret service women climbed in.
What they are doing in there I will know when they come back: if they come back, but until then I wander my room in CIA headquarters pantless waiting for a blue light and the CIA agents to emerge with answers.
I should have never tried anal.
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