A Moment of Honesty

As you all know I am single. It doesn’t bother me one bit, though some nights it would be nice to have someone like that in my life. I recapped this all almost exactly one year ago right here on this blog since that posting I have gone out on a date with one broad. After the initial date we saw each other for a couple of months and then it was over.  It was nice while it lasted, a few good times, obviously which mean bupkus because it didn’t lead anywhere, but I got my feet wet in the dating game again after a long hiatus. By long I mean forever long. Long enough to the point where my last girlfriend found the real love of her life and is set to get married this fall, an event that should be a good time.  I’m happy for her; most people think that it would bother me that the first person I loved is getting married. It really doesn’t for the simple fact that if it was meant to be it would have been. It wasn’t she saw that, I saw that eventually after. She found her soul mate and I’m more than happy for a good friend of mine.  I cannot wait to celebrate with the both of them, and wish them the brightest future.

Now let me get back to doing what I do so well and talk about myself. Right now as of today I still am looking for someone to come into my life that will be my soul mate; I’m not rushing though, it will happen when it happens. Obviously I do not expect the next girl date or sleep with to be that person, but I look forward to finding them. Life is an adventure and finding love is one of those things that happen during that adventure: or sometimes it doesn’t. Maybe I won’t ever meet that perfect person for me. I won’t meet someone who complements me, who will make me strive to be the best me I can be.  If they never come into my life then I will finish the adventure alone, and I’m ok with that too. I will never be one to force myself into something because all my friends are doing it or that society says that it should happen, fuck that I’m me and if I can’t find someone who gets that wants to share an adventure with me then I’ll just go on by myself with a few hookers mixed in or something.

As of now there are two women in my life that I would like to try and find out if it will go anywhere. They are both far out of my league which is why I haven’t actually pursued anything. One of them I have know for a while now and I know them, and can tell from that it would last for anything, so I will never do anything as far as a relationship. I think it will be better to keep the friendship where it stands.

This other person, I really don’t know and I’m pretty sure doesn’t share the same attraction for me that I have for her. Once again in my mind she is out of my league, maybe more so than my friend in the previous paragraph. But she really intrigues me. She meets all of the requirements on the “What is Dan Perrucci looking for” list: gorgeous, funny, smart, hard working, and independent. Will I ever ask her out? Probably not, I mean I should, my own mind has told me so during one of my late night conversations with myself, but I most likely won’t, though there is maybe a 4% chance that I do.

The reason for this is this thinking is that I always have in my mind that every woman I find myself physically and mentally attracted can do better than me and why should I prevent them from finding that better person by wasting their time? Logical right?

No, I know it’s fucking stupid. I am a super confident person except apparently when it comes to this, and my writing, sometimes I doubt that I am any good at putting words together. So what does this really say about my desire to meet someone if all the females I am attracted to my brain tells me they can do better or that I have no chance to even begin with because the attraction isn’t mutual . I always agree so I’m dead in the water right there. Maybe it is my brains way of preventing my heart from getting hurt, or maybe I really aren’t as confident as I let myself believe.

Whatever the answer is I just hope one day I overcome this idiotic tick in my brain to open myself up to someone, but if not I will be ok. I swear, I don’t need anyone in my life I am an individual and will be the same person regardless of my relationship status. I just think it would be nice to have someone to hold at night and talk about this adventure that is called life.