As stated above it started with me searching for the elusive and wonderful Top Corner Hockey tabletop rod hockey game. Now I can see you
sitting here reading this saying "Dan, just go and buy some other table
top hockey games, what’s the difference? To that I would like to tell you to sit
on it and rotate; Top Corner was the only table top game with real slap shot
action, I would lift the puck high over the net into my brother’s face, and
what’s better than assaulting your siblings with flying pieces of plastic?
Nothing, that's what. I spent about an hour pursing sites far and wide, only
locating one Top Corner Hockey game in the Frenchiest corners of the Western
Hemisphere: Quebec.
Upon failing to find any
of these up for sale in the United States, I gave up and started a venture
through all other toys and games from my youth.
One I really think I'm
going to get is Crossfire. That was one bad ass, pointless, game. For those of
you who don't remember the game would recognize the totally 90's commercial for it. The concept you would fire steel marbles and these plastic
thing-a-ma-bobs until you get the opponents off of the board, (why is it 94% of
the toys from when we were growing up could be doubled as a weapon against
siblings whom just kicked your ass at said game?) The only reason I ever wanted
it as a kid was so I can send off my opponent spinning into the lightning
ridden night– now that is badassery at its finest.
The next few moments of
my dumb, time consuming search was of games such as Don't Wake Daddy,
Icebreakers, Kerplunk, Perfection, Guess Who?, so and on and so on. Damn
toys were just so much better when we were kids. The youth today have no idea
what they are missing; they’re too consumed with their video games to realize
what fun they are missing. Not only were our toys worlds better, they all had memorable
OR Slot cars for Jesus
Herbert Christ's sake; Fucking SLOT CARS!
I am buying a set of
Slot cars and an excess of racetrack with loops, crossovers, high bank turns,
and I will be having a damn tournament to end all tournaments. I know you will
all want to come and I will destroy you all like you're flying first class on Malaysia Airlines.
In the end what I really
gained was a deepening anger that I, as a young lad, didn't have the foresight to realize that
games would go down the shitter and that I would miss all my destroyed games.
Fuck you pre-teen Dan, you ruined everything you jerk. I sitting here on
the brink of 27 and I just wish I could play all the games from when I was 12;
life is a strange thing that way; it just makes me want to cry.
So, I'll end this post as I pour out some St. Ides to my long lost love
Top Corner Hockey: may we meet again one day soon
What games did I miss? Lets reminisce below.
