Haiku Volume 15

Good day everyone out there, I am here with some new Haiku for this holiday week. Christmas is coming so for those who celebrate Merry Christmas, I can't wake to drink heavily and hopefully watch the Knicks win! 

For those who celebrate Chanukah, which begins Saturday, I say to you Happy Chanukah. To those who celebrate Kwanza. starting next Monday . . . well I mean I doubt anyone reading this celebrates Kwanza since a very small amount of the populous does, but whatever: Joyous Kwanza to you: though I got to say the core principles of Kwanza should hold true for everyone; they are perfect ways to build a better you and a better community, but I'm off it. For those who don't celebrate anything, sup. 

Now I wrote some Ku's here some holiday themed and some my normal depressing shit, with the final one dedicated to my late grandmother. Some of you know you she passed Christmas Eve of last year, for those of you who didn't, well, now you do. So I just want to take a moment to say that I miss you grandma and I will drink a Manhattan sometime soon in your honor and will wear a Red Sox hat on Christmas Eve for you. We all love and miss you.

Now, who wants to read some Haiku? I'm assuming you since you clicked on this link and are reading this long drawn out introduction.

I

Pure white softly falls

covering flashing colors

light muted in night.

II

Fat home invader

watches children while they sleep,

but they still love him.

III

Blistering cold wind

freezes my tears like your heart

as I watch you leave.

IV

Cold brown corneas

cutting like a knife through me

ceasing my heart beat

V

A flock of black birds

fly over— blotting the sun;

darkening below.

VI

The puppy attacks

chomping down on ornaments.

Oops, there goes the tree!

VII

Candles burn brightly

bringing a new flame nightly

brought by the shamash.

VIII

A year since you left;

yet you remain with us all

this Christmas season.

Back Like Slim Shady

I need to come and address my absence here. I have only posted one item in 2016, I missed posting January's part 3 of A Western End (it will be coming in February I promise, it and part four are nearly done) and the item I did post was a poem dedicated to my grandma who we lost on Christmas Eve. I know it must have been lonely here without me: trust me I know

The main reason for my lack of posts is I have had a hell of a writers block which I assume stems from my increase stress. I am hoping I can relax and get back to what I normally do, but it just hasn't happened.

Obviously the holidays are already a stressful time, but the passing of my grandma put me in a real sa place. She was a fantastic woman and I miss her everyday, but I am thankful that I was with my family during this difficult time because we can lean on one another and I know never be alone during hard times. Without my family god knows where I would be right now, their love and support is everything to me.

Now the onto the two things that I have really been causing me stress and making me feel like committing a class A felony.

First thing that caused January stress was moving.

Moving fucking sucks.

I hate moving.

I left my wonderful place in Stud Lake for some new digs in Boonton on Monday. It was a rough move, but everything is finally getting together and it is way less stressful now. I can't wait to finally be able to relax in the new place and maybe walk Main St. and check out the restaurants and all the rest of the things this little town has to offer.

Stressful thing number 2: work.

Now this is always awful, but when I put in hours upon hours of overtime it becomes worse and worse. I really wish I hit that damn Power Ball so I could be all rich and shit.

I was all set to do some baller ass shit like buy a house that had a built in diner with a commercial grade kitchen and pay all my debt, but noooooooo, like most people in the country I was a loser.

So I must keep on working my 9 to 5 or whenever I feel like I have earned enough money to pay my rent and all the other bills that seem to just never go away, Also I do like to buy food and more food, so having money for that is nice too. Maybe one day I will be financially stable, but until that day I will always stress about money

Now these thing above all led to my disappearance, but I am back now. I am ready to get my shit together and put in work for this here blog and hopefully to get published. Though I had many posts planned for the new year which I will no longer be doing: Best music of 2015, my year in review and goals for 2016, I also was working on an awesome post for Christmas when I heard the news of my grandma, so that got put on the shelf until next Christmas.

Have no fear though, but do get super pumped because I will have some new Haiku, a new Movies That You Should Sit Down and Watch Because I Said So, the epic conclusion to A Western End, and much more poetry and short stories!!

See you all soon!

Movies That You Should All Sit Down and Watch Because I Said So: Part Eight

Welcome back folks! It has been a couple of months since I brought you a new 'Movies That You Should All Sit Down and Watch Because I Said So" and since it is December I decided to share some of my holiday favorites. I chose to go with full length feature films which is why you won't see a couple of my absolute favorites such as How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original cartoon, not that Jim Carrey abomination that can burn in hell where it belongs), A Charlie Brown Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, or any of those sweet ass claymation made for TV movies.

It was tough to narrow it down, so I'm sure next year you will see such holiday awesomeness as I'll be Home for Christmas starring the dreamy JTT and Jessica Biel, Hulk Hogans awful Santa With Muscles, or some other movie that is actually awful, but puts me in the spirit of the holidays.

So sit back decorate whatever it is you decorate and enjoy.

A Christmas Story (1983)- Bob Clark; MGM, Christmas Tree Films

It wouldn't be Christmas without watching  A Christmas Story, though it has been played to death with all day showings of it, I still like to find time at least once a year to sit down and enjoy this film. I think at this point everyone and their great grandfather has seen this movie, so I don't need to go into much detail, but if you are one of those weirdos who has lived under a rock all these years go watch the movie: just try not to shoot your eye out.

Die Hard (1988)- John McTiernan; 20th Century Fox, Gordon Company, Silver Pictures

It wouldn't be Christmas without John McClane (Bruce Willis) kicking some terrorist ass at the Najatomi Plaza. This it the first and best of the Die Hard films. John just wants to go and see his wife and family for Christmas, but noooo he can't just simply do that because Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) and his German terrorist group have taken everyone at John's wife's company Christmas party hostage. Instead of sipping eggnog and catching up with his wife and kids Mr. McClane has to kill people and save lives.

And don't start with that 'Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie' bullshit. If it wasn't a Christmas movie would John have written this nice holiday message on the sweater of a dead terrorist?

No, I didn't think so.

Scrooged (1988)- Richard Donner; Paramount Pictures, Mirage Productions

Whenever Bill Murray does anything it becomes comedic gold because the man is a genius, so when he tackles Dickens 'A Christmas Carol' the end result is brilliance. Murray plays a TV executive who is a complete scrooge he has everyone working on Christmas Eve to produce a live version of 'A Christmas Carol'. During the night he is visited by the three Ghosts of Christmas just like Ebeneezer Scrooge in the book, but will he too have a change of heart? That is for you to watch the movie and find out. Trust me you will not be disappointed, unless you are not a fan of Bill Murray. If that is the case go to a doctor because you may be dead.

Christmas Vacation (1989)- Jeremiah Chechik; Warner Bros. Hughes Entertainment

One of the most dysfunctional families in motion picture history gathers together to celebrate Christmas. The Griswolds return to us as Clark plans on having the best Christmas ever and as with the vacation he wanted to have to Wally World a few years prior nothing goes right.

It all starts going wrong when Cousin Eddie arrives with his RV and it just goes down the storm drain like the shit from Eddie's RV from there. Everything that goes wrong goes wrong, but hey at leaset Clark has his Christmas bonus to look forward to, and the nice pool he plans on building with it, right?

Home Alone (1990)- Chris Columbus; Hughes Entertainment, 20th Century Fox

A movie that makes parents feel like they aren't that bad. Kevin, played by Macaulay Culkin, gets left behind as his family frantically tries to leave for the airport. First the poor kid doesn't get any plain pizza and then he gets left alone, what else could go wrong? He could also be in a home being stalked by hardened professional criminals, but fortunately for him he gets Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern). The 'Wet Bandits' a term Marv has given the duo because he always leaves the kitchen sink running after robbing a house, because that seems like something that anyone would do. They think that Kevin would be an easy target, but oh boy they are wrong!

While all that is going on Kevin's mom hitches a ride from a polka band headed by John Candy to try and make it back home to save her son, because now for some reason she cares. She didn't care to notice he wasn't with them when they left, but now she cares. John Candy is hilarious and one of my favorite characters in the film after Pesci and Stern.

Home Alone 2 (1992)- Chris Columbus; Hughes Entertainment, 20th Century Fox

How shitty can these parents be? It was just two years ago that you left him alone to fend for himself and now you lose him at an airport and he winds up in the concrete jungle of New York City. How were all your children not taken away? Are you fucking kidding me? I get it Kevin is an annoying child you fucked up when you had him. You should have stopped when you had Buzz because if that kid isn't a sign that you shouldn't have been parents I don't know what would be: oh yeah forgetting your kids.

With that rant behind us I can maybe talk about the movie. It contains much of the same hijinks as the first one as Kevin tries and survive New York City while making fools of Harry and Marv now going by the 'Sticky Bandits', in Marv's mind anyway. While they are similar in the tomfoolery Home Alone 2 is the rare sequel that is better than the first. It could be because the setting allows for more to happen or it could be because of Tim Curry. I'm going to go with a nice combination of both.


Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.

The Santa Clause (1994)- John Pasquin

Usually when someone dies by falling off your roof  their family would take your ass to court for everything that you are worth, and in this case Scott Calvin, played by Tim Allen, a suave businessman who chose working over his family so their would be a lot of money at stake. That isn't the case in the universe of The Santa Clause. In this world you take over that mans job of breaking into peoples homes and leaving gifts for little boys and girls.

Tim Allen has to learn not only how to become Santa Claus, but also how to stop disappointing his lame wad son. Not only have his ex-wife all mad because their son thinks he is Santa but he also has the guy plowing her, Judge Rienhold, trying to psychoanalyze him and keep Scott from his son. I mean it would be one thing to keep the kid away if Scott was out trying to board planes with 650 grams of cocaine or driving around drunk, but the man is just trying to start a new career out as Santa Claus: just let his lame son believe in him for Christ's sake

Jingle All the Way (1996); Brian Levant; 1492 Pictures, 20th Century Fox

When you think of Christmas the first thing I'm sure that pops into your head is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, me too.

Basically the plot revolves around Arnold who is a very busy business man and always disappoints his son by missing life events because he is too busy at the office. I don't blame him, if my son was that obnoxious I would stay later at work as well. Sorry Jamie dad has to work hard so you can live it that big house, go to those karate classes, to get that lame bowl haircut, and to have cable TV to watch your dumb Turbo Man show. In order for his stupid kid to love him he must go out on Christmas Eve and try and find a Turbo Man doll. Picture going out Christmas Eve in 1996 looking for a Tickle Me Elmo, that's pretty much what happens here.

Jingle All the Way is so fantastically awesome not only because of all the lines that I quote throughout the holiday season, but also because it co-stars the legendary Phil Hartman. The main co-star is Sinbad and sure he has memorable lines throughout the movie, but when Phil Hartman is in something he tends to overtake other actors.

Bad Santa (2003)- Terry Zwigoff; Columbia Pictures, Dimension Films, Triptych Pictures

This is one of the only two movies on this list I can watch at any time of the year (along with Die Hard) because it is not just about Christmas it is down right hysterical. Billie Bob Thornton is the perfect person to play the role of a conman posing as a mall Santa to pull off a heist. He is such a believable asshole alcoholic conman one would think he is really one. Mix in Bernie Mac and John Ritter in his last live action role and you get a holiday movie that keeps you laughing from beginning to end.

So before I move on to the next film I just have to ask:

Get Santa (2014)- Christopher Smith; Film i Vast, Scott Free Productions

I had nine movies and I had to make a choice: I could put on another movie everyone has seen or put an obscure one, so I went the obscure route. Get Santa comes to us from across the pond starring Jim Broadbent as the jolly saint with slight pedophile tendencies. I know him as Boss Tweed from Gangs of New York, the rest of you may know him as Professor Horace Slughorn from the Harry Potter series. Regardless of where you know him from he plays a fantastic Santa Claus.

Basically the plot of the movie is that Santa crashes his sleigh then goes on the run from the police, but before he gets caught and tossed into jail he hides out in someones shed. A young boy goes into the shed. . . yeah I thought the same thing at first, but no nothing perverted happened; on camera at least. Anyway Santa knows this boy and his father (clearly because he is Santa, and when the father was young he met Santa) and they are the only ones that can save him, so they go through a lot to try and prove the man who was arrested is really Santa Claus. Meanwhile the Father, played by Rafe Spall, was recently released from prison and uses this as a time to bond with his son again. He also uses his connections inside the prison to try to make Santa tough and the ability to survive in jail.

Overall it is a funny movie and a nice Christmas tale of a father trying to do what is right and fix his life. A lot of the humor is dry as most British humor is, so if you don't like British comedies this may not be for you, but give it a chance anyway because it will get you into the Christmas spirit.



Have a Merry Christmas or happy whatever Holiday you celebrate, regardless of your faith, if any, just go drink (unless that's against your religious beliefs then go and toke a bit or something) because being a human is stressful and everyone could use a drink.

You Could Always Get Something Worst*

Today's post was supposed to be a letter directed to You, but I didn't have the courage to share it with You nor the courage to share my feelings for you with anyone but you. So instead of that I am just going to sum up where my life is at right now because why the fuck not this is my space and I can do what I please.

So let me start off with You. To sum up the letter I wrote (obviously omitting your name and anything that would let people know who you are because neither of us need outsiders nonsense involved. I touched base on what I said to you through our text conversations. If You want me to I will send this to you, even if you don't want me to I may just because it was stuff I needed to add. I just have been in an awkward mind state since I spilled my feelings to you on Monday. I didn't want to, if it was up to me I would have never said a word, but you forced it out of me by the things you said. I feel for you like I haven't for anyone in a long time hence why I never said anything. It terrifies me to have feelings. I keep them hidden from everyone including myself, but I haven't stopped thinking about you or our conversation. I just need to try and step away from everything to get my mind back on track because I know where our lives are (yours mainly I suppose) we can't be anything.

So if You do not hear from me you know why. If you are not You do not ask who You is because I would not tell you.

Now I am listening to the new album from The Weekend and I can't help but seeing our situation and my feelings in a lot of the lyrics. I mean not the ones about blatant drug abuse and fucking bitches, but you know the other stuff.

On a side note: go listen to his new album because it is fucking fantastic. He has a song with Lana Del Rey who has been in rotation on my Spotify a lot lately and the collaboration is brilliant. As is the whole album. So go listen to the album.

I love how I didn't want to share anything with the world then proceeded to do so anyway.

Any-who, Now that that is out of the way on to the rest of my life.

I am still working at a call center which is far from what I want to do and it is starting to really wear down on me paired with my confused emotions this past week I am really approaching my breaking point. Nearly three years working in a call center will do that to any ambitious person.

Now I need to be honest I did have one job offer but I turned it down because after weighing the pros and cons of this other position the cons won out. I just felt it was better to stay miserable where I am then go to another job that is nothing near what I want to do nor would  provide any experience toward that goal. Would I be happier? Maybe, but It may have just been marginal, so I stayed put and just keep searching.

My friend put me on to a few recruiters she has had some success with so I am setting up with them now and hopefully I can locate something through them and move on to a better place to help me get out of this nasty funk I'm in. I also think it would be nice for you guys the reader to stop hearing about this job and the slight depression it causes.

It is also slightly depressing that my financial situation is completely fucked. It has been a rough month and September is going to be worse since I have two weddings to go to and they are both out of state. I did get a reprieve because I thought they were the same week but I apparently can't read and messed up the second one so I have an extra two weeks in between them!

That will ease the financial burden slightly which is nice. I hope to get back to stability by October though my next life thing may keep that from happening.

I am going to join an Ice Hockey league. This is something that I have been wanting to do all my life and I am finally making the jump to do it and I'm pretty excited. I have been playing hockey for a long time, but it was always roller hockey and I like to pretend I'm pretty good that. Then this last winter I bought ice skates and for the first time in my life played ice hockey: my skill is not as high as with roller, but I think I can get there soon enough. My buddy had me play with his team the other day and I didn't do great, but it was exciting to be out there and I can't wait to get better as a played and have fun while doing it. If you want to donate to my cause hit me up. Maybe I'll make a Kickstarter. People seem to do that these days.

So I think that pretty much sums up everything in life now. It is pretty shitty but I always tell myself, as a former supervisor once said "you could always get something worst." That is true. life could always be worse, but it could also always be better, so here is to hoping I get out of this funk and back to my same happy unemotional having self.

See you Tuesday for some Haiku!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Yes I know this is incorrect. It is an inside joke over at my job. It comes from an email form a supervisor and I find it hilarious that he never noticed the error and made it several times. 

Century Mark

Welcome, today I invite you here to help me celebrate a very special occasion: On Wednesday I reached my 100th post (it only took four plus years and nearly half of them were from this year). Regardless of how long it took I feel like I accomplished something so let me take a minute and make it virtually rain

Now don’t go and count because it will show this one as being the 100th because I had to revert my most read post ‘Finding Happiness’ back to a draft due to some slight and humorous legal issues. It shall stay in blog purgatory forever.

When I first started this blog while sitting in a bench at Montclair State University (a place I spent most of my time people watching and reading) I had no idea what I was doing with it. It didn't have a direction or a goal. In fact it still is pretty much a clusterfuck of random thoughts. I still don't know what the purpose of it all is, but it gives me a place to display my work while trying to hone my skill. I like to think I made some progress in that aspect, but I am no where near where I would like to be.

My first post was a rough around the edges rant about opinions. It really set the tone for the rest of my blog. It provided my voice and let you guys know that I have no fucking clue how to maintain one of these.  I really still don’t. I have no clue what the purpose or goal of my blog is, but hey you read it and I keep writing things. It helped me focus on finishing stories, allowed me a place to discuss movies, turn my repressed emotions into poetry, and let you guys enjoy my work. One thing I should bring back is my ‘Bro-Codeology’ series (though I don’t know if two posts nearly four years ago count as a series).

My posts the first few years were sporadic and really didn’t show how much I worked on my craft. It wasn’t until recently that I churned out more posts and more non posted things. This year I really put my pen to the paper and worked hard on my craft with a lot of support from my close friends and I want to take this moment to thank you for your support.

First to my siblings, though I'm pretty sure Andrew is the only one who actually reads this shit, but thanks to all three of you regardless for your love and support in life not just with my writing. I know you guys will always be there if I need anything. I may never ever tell you what's in my mind or talk to you about anything but knowing that I can is enough.

I want to thank Christina for being my on call editor and fantastic Amiga. I know you may not read everything on here but I also know if I want to send anything to get published you will be more than happy to edit it and assist me improving my work. I'm sad you will be moving a far distance away but I'll do my best to make frequent trips down for sushi.

While I'm on the Bosco's: Lauren my poems aren't about you!!!! But thank you for reading them and giving me feedback. It is appreciated. If you want to know who some of the poems are about you can text me and I will be more than happy not to tell you, but feel free to ask.

This year like is mentioned above has been my highest volume not just of what has been posted on here but also in terms of my writing in general and I owe some of that to my good friend Alexis. You may not know nor care but you were a big motivator for me. You were always there to critique or praise my stuff and that is beyond helpful. I needed the extra push and you provided it for me. A simple thanks would not suffice, so I’ll buy you a beer. You da best!

I cant move on without thanking my friend Yesabel as well. You are the one that had me start this thing, you told me I had talent, but needed a place to hone it. So this blog is kind of your idea, not really but sort of.

I’m sure I missed people, but thank you to all of you who support me and continue to read and push me.

Now that i am done thanking people I really want to talk about myself for a little bit. I feel like I don’t do that enough.

I want to thank myself for working harder this year. Just keep working and it will eventually pay off somehow. You need to stop doubting yourself (I am talking to myself here so just bare with me) you have a gift and need to utilize it. But besides that congrats on 100 I guess it is some sort of accomplishment. . . .SYKE. You just posted 100 random piles of garbage get over yourself you fucking nerd!

Wow, you don’t need to be a dick head. Fuck you guy. I don't need your bad vibes in my life right now I have enough shit going on. Jeeeezzz.

Anyway, I hope assholes opinion isn't the majority. Let us toast (go pour a drink and toast with me) to many more posts and hopefully one day you guys will be able to actually buy a book or something of mine to stabilize your kitchen table, or if you get ambitious enough you can read it.

Thanks again everyone!

Now someone give me a god damn trophy!

Haiku Volume 5

I was up one night last week and unable to sleep so I did what any other normal person would do: I wrote Haiku!

I knew you would be excited!

I found a literary journal that publishes Haiku, and I thought I would try and send some, but it does not allow me to send ones that have been posted on the inter-webs, and since I felt some of my best ones have been posted i figured i will work on a superior batch of fresh ones to send for publication, but in the mean time I wanted to drop this batch off.

So read and enjoy, and always feel free to leave comments about which ones you liked, hated, or just say hello! 

I

“When will the sun shine

and thaw out your frozen heart?”

When will you return?

II

Once upon a time

the sun shone bright over us.

Now the rain won't end

III

Snow showers in June

as the world turns upside down

waiting for your return.

IV

Rumbling thunder,

lightning flashes, and rain pours

as our lips lock.

V

The red cardinal

flies freely through the bright sky.

Ended by Windex.

VI

The record spins round

as we touch for the first time.

Me inside of you.

VII

Steel in my fingers;

a former love on my mind.

Her soul heads skyward.

VIII

The fan whirls above.

The puppy pants his fat tongue:

dos days of August.

Updating an Update

Remember that time nearly two weeks ago where I said I was going to try and get more writing done? Yeah that time, well apparently I am a big fat liar because I ain’t done shit. 

Let the tears go, buck up I have a really good excuse. I have a really good reason I swear. My dog ate my homework. I lost the text book. I swear the check is in the mail.

You buy any of those? No, I didn’t think so. Well, I want to give my sincere apologize (mainly to myself for the inability to get my shit together).The real reason is that I have been working a lot of overtime hours to try and stop myself from being poor and save for three upcoming weddings, two of which require travel to another state (and both of those out of state weddings a are the same damn week.)

I don’t stress about money because I always manage to find a way to pay my bills and save the money I need, but I really need to book a plane ticket soon for one of the three weddings before they start to jack up the prices. It is times like this I wish I had a better paying job, or I didn’t of student debt, or that my parents were wealthy. But that isn’t the way the cookie crumbled for me I need to work hard like most of the world; thankfully my parents raised me to be a hard worked. I just wish I had a better job to go and earn money at, hopefully by the end of the summer I will find something. If any of you readers out there know of any one hiring positions that need to be filled with awesomeness let me know.

I have other reasons besides working extra hours for my absence, though all those extra hours and my soul sucking job drain almost all of my creative mojo, and leave e exhausted. I have also been busy doing things, nothing exciting, but my two days off Friday and Saturday have been booked these last few weeks.

It was my older brother’s 30^th birthday so I went out and spent a fun filled evening in Morristown on the 15th.

For those who know me well, know how much I despise Mo-Town. It is full of obnoxious people doing obnoxious things while obnoxiously loud music plays. But I would rather suffer than miss an outing for a sibling’s birthday. I guess I really can’t complain, though it was loud and people were annoying I didn’t have to pay for a single beer, which was nice. It seems to be whenever I go out with my family I never pay for drinks, mainly because my sister’s boyfriend (he should propose soon so I can say fiancé or husband, what are you waiting for man?) always buys me beer because he is a generous guy like that.

The following Sunday I went and supported my lovely friend Alyssa who was running in a half marathon in the Mo-Town area. I used a PTO day, woke up bright and early and waited in the humidity so me and two other friends could cheer and support her. We also made the best sign that was there, but since I do not have the photo you can go look at it on her blog by clicking on this link right here: http://alyssagoesbang.blogspot.com/2015/05/its-bird-its-plane.html. The words were my doing, the execution was not. But who wouldn't want to see my face and that sweet sign after running over 13 miles? My beard provided the extra boost she needed to cross the finish line, or, more likely, it was the thought of the diner we went to after.

I’m off on Saturdays too, but the mornings are dedicated to playing roller hockey and the nights have been BBQs with friends. Not to mention all of the playoff hockey and playoff basketball going on. I can’t peel myself from some of these games to write. And my Mets are finally playing well (hopefully it can last, they need to make a trade for a bat, but that’s a discussion for another time.)

On top of all of that fun toss in a few hours here and there watching Spongebob with my favorite little man, I end up neglecting my writing.

I swear little man I will have my children s book done soon. Who wants to illustrate for me?

What I gave you a bunch of excuses all reason why I am a slacking lying sack of meat, but hey I took time to write this update of an update so that counts for something right?

Oh, OK. Well hopefully I'll be here Thursday with another Throwback Thursday post, maybe. Don't hold me to that, because you know. . . overtime and the playoffs.

Re-Focusing

I started this year off with a fury and in the first few months I posted (and wrote) more than I had previously. I’m trying my damndest to make something of myself using these words. I typed and scribbled in my notebook turning my ideas and dreams into stories for you to read. I was putting in work as the kids would say, but recently I have not been doing anything. We in the industry call it writers block, and it is a bitch. 

actual selfie of me at my computer #nofilter

                 My morning routine is to wake up, start my coffee, shower, drink my coffee and write. Whether I write one paragraph or an entire piece depends, but I always write. Though lately it has been more of me getting up and staring at the blinking vertical line in a word document and then saying “fuck it” and click around the internet until I realize I haven’t accomplished anything and now I have to go to work.  

                I have ideas, I always have ideas, but my execution isn’t there. I can’t really figure it out. I just haven’t been myself these last few weeks. It could be the fact that work is getting to me and I need a vacation or a new one. It could be I haven’t been eating as much lately and the lack of proper nutrition is making me all loopy. Maybe my bar closing has made me sad. Maybe because I doubt I’ll see the awesome bartender from said bar anytime in the near future. Maybe it’s the fact that I didn’t get her number. Maybe it is the fact that it is spring and I want to be outside all day like I’m a kid again. Maybe it is the fact that my place looks like a war zone and I haven’t been motivated to clean it lately. Maybe it is because I haven’t been reading as much as of late. Maybe I'm always angry because I cant see my forehead. Maybe it has been the constant doubt of my writing ability. Maybe I need to poop. Maybe it is my budding rap and country careers (albums coming bitches . . . not really, but maybe). Maybe it is because I can never sleep.

Maybe it is just a combination of all these things bouncing around in my head all day keeping me unfocused. It is most likely the first thing on that list. Whenever work starts eating at my nerves I always tail off with my creativity it has been like this as long as I have been writing. The worst part about work is the struggle to apply for new jobs and never hearing back for them.

I need to just tell myself over and over that I will find something else sooner than later and bring my focus back to my writing and get back to my grind that I was on for the first three and a half months of the year.

I finally finished Part 5 of my untitled story (though I have a title, you don’t know it yet) which for some reason took me longer than any other part yet it is the shortest. Maybe that being out of the way will help me relax. That will be the next post after this one so look for it, and look for a constant stream of material after as I try to refocus myself and get back to doing what I love to do.

Movies That You Should All Sit Down and Watch Because I Said So: Part Four

Ah, welcome, welcome! I hope you have enjoyed reading parts 1, 2, and 3 as much as I have enjoyed writing them. I love all these films and each time I try and pick the next ten I want to pass along to you guys I think long and hard, though some of my descriptions may be lax, do not take that as a sign that the film is any less of a piece of art compared to one which I give a long description. All these are movies you should watch not just because I told you too, but because they are pieces of cinematic history (mainly because I told you too and my opinion is the greatest one I know) and if you love movies you will appreciate each choice..

Now I may have mentioned in Part 2 that I was going to launch into the sports version of my list, but I figured two themed lists in a row would be lamer than a quadriplegics legs so I decided against it. I really do love you Spacejam and I swear we will be together soon, but another night.

Well, with all that said let us venture into this month’s ten films. 

The Man Who Knew Too Much (1934)- Alfred Hitchcock; Gaumont British Picture Corporation

While Hitchcock later remade The Man Who Knew Too Much (I will put it on a list one day) in 1956 with a far superior cast I decided to pick his original masterpiece simply because I love Peter Lorre and what he brings to the film. While the remake is a better film (I t was made with a extremely larger budget mainly because it was backed by a large Hollywood studio) it really missed Peter Lorre’s creepiness. The plot remains the same: a couple discovers an assassination attempt and in order for them to keep quiet their daughter is kidnapped which, with Hitchcok at the helm, is a wonderfully suspenseful thriller.

Ministry of Fear (1944)- Fritz Lang; Paramount Pictures

Fritz Lang is a master behind the camera and his mastery shines in this film. His direction over shadows the story and acting as a whole, but with him behind the camera he creates a wonderful Noir and gets the best out of the story. Ray Milland plays a man who had just been released from an asylum and manages to find himself caught up with a Nazi spy ring and murder, a lot of suspense keeps the story moving forward and your eyes glued to the screen. The ending is super Hollywood, which would be my only complaint. After a movie full of dark shadowy characters they ride off in the sunset planning a wedding? That was 1940’s Hollywood for you, maybe you will enjoy the ending, but everything before the car ride on a beautiful day is a film worth every minute you will invest. 

The Man With the Golden Arm (1955)- Otto Preminger; Otto Preminger Films, Carlyle Productions

Frank Sinatra plays a recovering heroin addict just released from a stint in prison, but the life he returns to is the same one he was trying to escape. His wheelchair bound wife, his reputation as the best card dealer in Chicago, and his addiction. He is an aspiring drummer, trying to make a clean break from drugs and his illegal life but he is sucked back into use. A scene where he tries once again to give up dope was powerful and unheard of in American cinema at the time and Sinatra played his part perfectly leading to his well deserved second Academy Award nomination. 

The Killing (1956)- Stanley Kubrick; Harris-Kubrick Productions

Stanley Kubrick’s second full length film the Killing, take an inside look at a group of crooks and their robbery of a race track. The plot involves many characters with different personalities each with their own dreams about what to do with the money. But would it be a classic tale of too many cooks in the kitchen? Or will it go off without a hitch? I know how it turns out, but I won’t tell you instead I recommend that if you are a fan of Film-Noir crime thrillers you sit down and enjoy the film and then we will talk about it.

Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)- Sergio Leone; Rafran-San Marco Production, Paramount Pictures

This is my favorite Sergio Leone directed film. Yes, I know that means I find it better than the Man with No Name Trilogy and I will defend that opinion if you want to argue. Though, that doesn’t take away from those films which will all appear on my blog at some point in the future.

This film gave the blue eyed Henry Fonda a chance to play a villain and the performance he delivered was one that should go down as one of the best in the history of the western genre. Pair him with the always badass Charles Bronson and his harmonica backed by the always incredible score of Ennio Morricone you end up with the greatest western and one of the greatest movies of all time.

The Godfather: Part II (1974)- Francis Ford Coppola; Paramount Pictures, Coppola Company

Take the greatness of part one and add to it Robert De Niro playing a young Vito Corleone and you create the greatest sequel in motion picture history. As I did with the first Godfather in part one of this series, I don’t think this needs many words. I should not have to tell you to go and watch this American epic. You should have already watched it, but if not I will just let the 6 Academy Awards and 11 nominations speak for themselves. Just go watch De Niro in one of his greatest performances of his career. 

Salvador (1986)- Oliver Stone; Hemdale Films

Over shadowed by Stone’s Best Picture winning Platoon (it will show up on a list eventually) most people forget that Salvador was nominated for a couple awards at the 1987 awards as well. Obviously Platoon was the Stone film to actually take home awards but there was a reason this film’s screenplay and its star actor James Woods were nominated. James Woods plays Richard Boyle who is an American photojournalist that drives down to El Salvador at the start of that nation’s civil war between the military government (which was supported by the U.S.) and a group of left wing guerrilla groups knows as the FMLN. Going along with him for the ride was an out of work disc jockey Doctor Rock played by Jim Belushi.

Once down in El Salvador the apparent seriousness (which they underestimated) of the situation becomes clear to the pair of Americans. Stone portrays the violence and human rights violations that were occurring not only during the time period which was taking place but also the continuing atrocities that were occurring while the filming (on location in El Salvador while the civil war still raged on) occurred.

In my mind this is a far more powerful film than Platoon and deserves a place as one of the best films of the eighties. 

Up in the Air (2009)- Jason Reitman; Paramount Pictures

After a million posts using Anna Kendrick GIFs one of her movies finally appears!! She did a brilliant job and should have won the Academy award instead of fucking Mo’nique. Who does she think she is? Cher? Bitch go get a last name and give your award to Anna.

Along with Anna getting a nod from the academy so did George Clooney and Vera Farmiga whom were also both extremely deserving of the nomination.

The film came out at the right time as the economy was in a shit-hole and people were losing their jobs, so a movie about a company that has employees who fire people for pussy bosses was a perfect fit. Though the film is more than a look at the state of the economy, though the interviews with fired employees (a lot of whom were real people who got laid off and not actors) are heart wrenching (if you have a heart) the main focus of the film is a man trying to justify the  loneliness of his lifestyle. Reitman’s story makes you feel for each of the three characters at different times throughout the film, and he untimely weaves a beautiful tale of love, deception, and the struggle of everyday life.

The Ides of March (2011)- George Clooney; Cross Creek Pictures, Exclusive Media Group

One of the best political themed films in recent times, Ryan Gosling delivers the best performance of his career (yes, better than his Academy Award nominated performance in Half Nelson) and Clooney shows why he is one of my favorite current actors. The two stars are surrounded by a powerful supporting cast with fantastic performances by Philip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Giamatti, Evan Rachel Wood, and Marisa Tomei create a wonderful behind the scenes look at the American political landscape mixed with some Hollywood story lines.

Clooney is as fantastic behind the camera as he is in front of it and paired with cinematographer Phendon Papamichael (does a name get more Greek?) sets the tone for the backstabbing and misleading that takes place throughout the film. 

Birdman: Or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)- Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu; New Regency Pictures, M Productions, Le Gribsi, TSG Entertainment

I heard people mention that this film did not deserve to walk away with the Academy Award for best picture, but after watching it I think those people are just wrong. I think Birdman was fantastic in almost every aspect of film making. Each of the actors from Keaton to Watts provided some of the best performances of their respective careers. America’s sweetheart Emma Stone without question gave her best performance in her short career I hope this opens the door for her taking more serious roles, and matures her as an actor.

 Then there is the goofy Zach Galifinakis who I can’t stand most of the time (don’t get me started on the god awful Hangover films), but he gave his best performance since his Oscar worth rendition of Weird Wally in Below. That’s a joke. Below is a really dumb movie, but his character was credited as Weird Wally, so, I mean, it has that going for it. But, for real, I liked Galifinakis in his role in this movie.

In my humble (and always correct, I guess that makes it not humble at all . . . whatever) opinion, director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu did a flawless job behind the camera and absolutely deserved his Academy award and so did cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki. 

Birdman is an all around great film that I will recommend to anyone.

An AMA of Madness

Last night something absolutely wonderful happened in the internet world: Tommy Wiseau did an AMA on Reddit. 

For those of you of you who do not know who Mr. Wiseau is (though I learned during his AMA that he does not like to be called Mr. Wiseau), he is the brilliant idiotic mind behind the cult film The Room.

Still unsure? I’ll help you out.

First a picture of the myth that is Tommy Wiseau:

Now, let me briefly talk about The Room which is regarded by many as the worst movie ever made.Though it is really bad it is at least a film I can enjoy in its horribleness, unlike the film I consider the worst ever made, Miss March. Tommy Wiseau wrote, produced, directed, and starred in The Room. All of which he did just wonderfully  horridly. His use of the camera and knowledge of making a movie were just so poor that it gives me confidence that if I were to make a movie it would be better than this. Go visit the official website http://www.theroommovie.com/, Wikipedia it, or find the movie online (or I can lend you my copy of the DVD)

To the man’s credit he had a dream and made that shit happen and that is the dream of every American. And as Tommy Wiseau so dumbly said he is “America.”

Now let us move on to the man himself. There is a lot of mystery behind this guy it is easier to find information about Big Foot than Tommy Wiseau. The most detail we have on him is from Greg Sestero’s (an actor from the film) book The Disaster Artist, which as we speak is being turned into a movie by James Franco. But even that gives us small details into where this guy came from. There are many theories of who he is, but two that I am partial to:

1. He is a vampire (which he sort of addresses below)
2. He is D.B. Cooper. Mr. Wiseau denied it but I don’t buy it at all look at this comic drawn by some random guy on the internet: 

This drawing sold me on the fact that he is D.B. Cooper, I mean it just has to be the explanation to everything It just has to be true right?

Fine, whatever, let me move on here.

I decided to try and pick some of my favorite answers from this AMA, but there was so many more I didn't pick and you can read through this thing in its entirety over on Reddit if you have that kind of time. The questions are in Bold and the answers are in standard text. If you are new to the world of Wiseau, you may be confused at some of the questions, but after you watch the movie it will all make sense. Enjoy.

Please note I did not alter any of the grammar or spelling in Tommy’s answer: the guy can’t spell or speak or really do much of anything.

What do you make of the mystery around your origins? Are you surprised?

Well, you know, we're all curious. We all live in America, and we are all curious bout people, who they are, where they come from. I'm very private person, I keep that way, that's my choice. I am America, I keep that way. Thank you for asking that.

Where does your accent originate from?

I speak two languages. I have no idea, to be honest with you. It is what it is.

Mr. Wiseau,

I am getting married in the near future and already have plans to throw a football around in an alley with my groomsmen. Any pointers on how to keep the game moving and to elicit the best awkward laughs from my groomsman for the videographer to pick up? Also, how can I best avoid injury?

Absolutely. I encourage you to do that number 1. And don't call me Mr. Wiseau, I hate that, but I wish you luck in new direction in my life, and play football before you to go bed, and play football before you drink, before you get tipsy. ABSOLUTELY - be the first one! Send me the clip! Absolutely! An invitation maybe! I wish you luck!

So Tommy, how is your sex life?

I enjoy it erryday!

How are you and Greg these days? Are you guys still good friends?

Well, we talk, but actually, probably, we just released a script, original script, available, THE ROOM, original one, because there was a lot of controversy, agin, I'm sorry for some of you guys in America we call "douchebags" - I've been filming the past 20 years, shame on you who are bashing THE ROOM as well as the actors in THE NEIGHBORS. It is new entertainment, and people reallyreally enjoy it. That's all I'm gonna say, moveonnextquestion

In The Room, it’s pretty clear that the character of Lisa was meant to symbolize temptation and the evil that jealousy between friends and lovers can create. Could you elaborate more on what Lisa’s actions in the film say about our society and the moral degradation of America as a whole?

GREAT Question! First of all, you can compare Lisa to Eleezabeth Taylor, to when she did CLEOPATRA. The ladies, they don't have to wear jeans, they can wear dresses to be very powerful. So Lisa's character is very powerful. She represents American society. So that's my answer. Move on, next one!

How did you make your millions Tommy?

Okay! That's good question! Well first of all - if you look at background, you work hard, you make money. It's no secret, okay? You work VERY hard, you make money. Well I work very hard, 24/7, several days a week, okay? And the specific how I make monies will be in book. THE DISASTER ARTIST by Tommy Wiseau, when I write it soon. Yes.

Tommy, what country were your born in?

I was born on Planet Earth. Moveonnextquestion. And I'm American, and proud of it.

Are you going to write an autobiography? (The neighbors is awesome)

Yes, I am, because as you probably kneow, DISASTER ARTIST is not 100% correct, and some people - again - are very disrespectful of my lief. How dare you to bash me, to say negative things about me and my life when you don't even know me? Shame on you. So yes, absolutely, you know. We in America, you know, we have very dedicate people, from New Orleans, and some of the function that people have are completely disrespectful. Shame on you if you blast my project. We are very dedicated to our art - shame on you, I would say, again! You know who you are! And also you can add, about script, how dare you say that was not the script on the production of THE ROOM. How are you have powers to criticize someone you don't even know? When you say it's not a camera, or we have only this one camera, or this one or that one? Shame on you.

Move on, next question.

Hey, Tommy. Is the character Denny from The Room based on anyone from real life? And what about Claudette?

Oh yeah, we have many Claudettes in the country, with cancer - again, one of the things I like it when people ask why we don't talk about it, yeah, is because someday we have a cure for it. Because it's a very private thing, you know? Many Claudettes in America relate to cancer. Many Dennys, many Johnnys, many Marks, because everything is coming from life, real life. THE ROOM is a red flag for society, for people to do better, to be better to each other basically. I've been doing this for 12 years, saying that.

Thanks a lot for doing this! I have a few questions for youuuu! Jusssst a lil something..

1) In The Room, why was Johnny’s first date with Lisa an interesting story?

2) When Johnny buys Lisa a dozen red roses from the flower store, why does he hold them upside down?

3) Why did you, as the director, re-use shots from both of Johnny’s sex scenes with Lisa?

4) WHY IS MARK SO BUSY?!?!?!

1.) Well, okay, let's... okay. It just WAS because she paid for DINNER, that's the interesting story. Next question.

2.) Oh, because that's a typical situation.

3.) First of all... we have variation in ROOM 1-4, it's not the same shot, at all.

4.) Why is Mark so busy? Why so busy!??! Because of business, like everybody else, hehehe!

Are you a vampire?

No. I'm just a human being like everybody else. But I belieeeve in certain, let's say... destiny. And vampires to a certain degree. So no, I am not a vampire. But I relate to it. Something like that

Hey Tommy, what advice do you have for a writer who is just starting and would like to get into the movie business?

That's good question. I would say, think about 20% FIRST before you get to 100%. If you think about 20%, you will get to 100%. With original material, if people say negatives about you, let it go, move onto something else

Hi Tommy, Are we laughing at you, or with you?.

We are laughing together. Don't listen to douchebags, for GOD'S SAKE! ENJOY-A LIFE!!!!! Relax together!

My question is: If you could give all of politicians of the world just one piece of advice, what would it be?

Eeef a lot of people loved each other, the world would be a better place to live. The advice I would give? Be nice to each other basically.

Why are you so fucking awesome?!!

Well, I love people, and I think people love me. I'm very dedicated you know? I like freedom, I like people who express themselves, and that's what America's all about. I want to create something so people can relate to it. That's why we create neighbors, we create future project. Filmmakers have responsible towards people, you know? So I'm trying to present everything as true as possible, as nice as possible, all negative stuff is as I said before, it's too bad that some people are very disrespectful but it is what it is.

 Thank you Tommy you not knowing much of anything made my week.