"What the fuck am I going to do for the rest of my life?"
I received this text
from a friend of mine mainly because she knew that I would be able to relate to
her sense of an unknown future.
So, this got me
thinking (thanks a lot) seriously; what the fuck am doing with my life? I'm 26
and have accomplished basically nothing. I have friends becoming successful in
careers, relationships, and I'm sitting like a rat turd rotting away in the
wall.
What do I want to do?
Beats the hell out of
me, I always just thought something would come along and I would figure out
what to do when I grew up. Well, I'm grown up and I don't have a career, nor do
I have a goal for one. I obviously have dreams to be a writer and make a living
doing that, but let's face it I'm not the most talented writer to grace this
earth; shit I'm not even the most talented writer I know. With that being said; can I become a
successful writer? Maybe, I mean this IS America where people with no talent
become successful, so there is hope for me considering I do have some talent
(or I like to pretend I do sometimes). A major problem for me as a writer
is my brain. It is constantly turning with new ideas for short stories, full
blown novels, poems, screenplays, and other various nonsensical ramblings. This
is my asset as a creative person, but it also serves as a detriment because it
creates a problem sticking to a project and seeing it through. Those of you who
are still waiting on the first complete draft of my kick ass screenplay
“Slothcano” know exactly what I mean. This is a project which was started and
over a third completed when my mind switched gears and went to another project
that was less humorous and one where my mind was in a place to work on. My mind
needs to be in a particular state to write something, and with it switching so
often I lose the mindset to work on certain projects: “Slothcano” being the
most infamous of these.
The main issue is that
I have absolutely no deadlines. If I were to have deadlines I could finish any
project of any length in the given time, which, I suppose, bodes well for me in
the world of professional writing and editing. It’s a deadline based game and I
work well under pressure, so it’s a seemingly perfect fit. As far as my creative writing
there is no time table to complete anything which is why nothing of importance
ever seems to come to fruition.
How can I really be a
successful writer with an inability to finish a project longer than 5000
words? Beats me; I mean I can write short stories and I have posted several on
this blog (Example 1, 2, 3, and my favorite 4), but they have
little or nothing to do with each other thematically to assemble together as a
collection. Maybe I’ll just say “fuck it” with that logic and do it anyway, but
even doing that would require my mind to stay focused on selecting a group of
stories, ordering them, fully editing, and rewriting them which is easier said
than done. In all reality I can't really put all my eggs into that basket,
because what are the odds I can join the small percentage of “writers” in this
world to make it. I need to find a career; I need to essentially find myself.
Who am I?
That's an easy one.
I know who I am.
Now that we clearly
know who I am I can now proceed with my post.
What am I capable to
do? I can write, when I feel like it I can, believe it or not, edit, and
outside of that I’m not really qualified for squat. I hate almost all people;
which tends to create quite the problem in most customer service jobs. Though I
am a fantastic actor and can fake the shit out of polite communication with the
moronic inhabitants of this planet, so maybe my true destiny is to head west
for L.A. and become Hollywood’s next heartthrob/fantastic actor.
Watch out Mr. Gosling
here I come.
And in advance I would
like to thank the Academy, my family, my friends, and most importantly the
ultimate power that makes all of this possible: myself.
Shit,
I went off topic again: this is the crap I was talking about. I just can never
stay focused on the task at hand; my mind wanders aimlessly and it’s hard to
find like Malaysia Flight 370. Even the writing of this short rambling piece
took me over a week to get my mind on topic.
Anyway,
as I was saying before I went on my Hollywood daydream is that I am capable to
do customer service jobs, but it is not my first choice . . . or second . . .
or third . . . or . . . you get the idea it’s just not a field I want to stay
within. It’s just mind numbing and doesn’t provide me with any type of
challenges.
In
conclusion, as my resume bombards potential employers/rejecters I shall keep my
fingers crossed that I can land a job that makes me not despise waking up in
the morning, and I'll hope that it is a job outside of the realm of direct customer
service. In the mean time I will keep writing and hopefully staying focused long
enough to finish something that will be published for the world to read, or maybe
I will finish “Slothcano” by my own self imposed July deadline and I can
finally sleep on a pile of SyFy TV movie money.
P.S.
For
you Hollywood big wigs reading this I want you to know one thing about me…
