Future Road

"What the fuck am I going to do for the rest of my life?"

I received this text from a friend of mine mainly because she knew that I would be able to relate to her sense of an unknown future.

So, this got me thinking (thanks a lot) seriously; what the fuck am doing with my life? I'm 26 and have accomplished basically nothing. I have friends becoming successful in careers, relationships, and I'm sitting like a rat turd rotting away in the wall.

What do I want to do?

Beats the hell out of me, I always just thought something would come along and I would figure out what to do when I grew up. Well, I'm grown up and I don't have a career, nor do I have a goal for one. I obviously have dreams to be a writer and make a living doing that, but let's face it I'm not the most talented writer to grace this earth; shit I'm not even the most talented writer I know. With that being said; can I become a successful writer? Maybe, I mean this IS America where people with no talent become successful, so there is hope for me considering I do have some talent (or I like to pretend I do sometimes). A major problem for me as a writer is my brain. It is constantly turning with new ideas for short stories, full blown novels, poems, screenplays, and other various nonsensical ramblings. This is my asset as a creative person, but it also serves as a detriment because it creates a problem sticking to a project and seeing it through. Those of you who are still waiting on the first complete draft of my kick ass screenplay “Slothcano” know exactly what I mean. This is a project which was started and over a third completed when my mind switched gears and went to another project that was less humorous and one where my mind was in a place to work on. My mind needs to be in a particular state to write something, and with it switching so often I lose the mindset to work on certain projects: “Slothcano” being the most infamous of these.

The main issue is that I have absolutely no deadlines. If I were to have deadlines I could finish any project of any length in the given time, which, I suppose, bodes well for me in the world of professional writing and editing. It’s a deadline based game and I work well under pressure, so it’s a seemingly perfect fit. As far as my creative writing there is no time table to complete anything which is why nothing of importance ever seems to come to fruition.

How can I really be a successful writer with an inability to finish a project longer than 5000 words? Beats me; I mean I can write short stories and I have posted several on this blog (Example 1, 2, 3, and my favorite 4), but they have little or nothing to do with each other thematically to assemble together as a collection. Maybe I’ll just say “fuck it” with that logic and do it anyway, but even doing that would require my mind to stay focused on selecting a group of stories, ordering them, fully editing, and rewriting them which is easier said than done. In all reality I can't really put all my eggs into that basket, because what are the odds I can join the small percentage of “writers” in this world to make it. I need to find a career; I need to essentially find myself.

Who am I?

That's an easy one.

I know who I am.

Now that we clearly know who I am I can now proceed with my post.

What am I capable to do? I can write, when I feel like it I can, believe it or not, edit, and outside of that I’m not really qualified for squat. I hate almost all people; which tends to create quite the problem in most customer service jobs. Though I am a fantastic actor and can fake the shit out of polite communication with the moronic inhabitants of this planet, so maybe my true destiny is to head west for L.A. and become Hollywood’s next heartthrob/fantastic actor.

Watch out Mr. Gosling here I come.

And in advance I would like to thank the Academy, my family, my friends, and most importantly the ultimate power that makes all of this possible: myself.

Shit, I went off topic again: this is the crap I was talking about. I just can never stay focused on the task at hand; my mind wanders aimlessly and it’s hard to find like Malaysia Flight 370. Even the writing of this short rambling piece took me over a week to get my mind on topic.

Anyway, as I was saying before I went on my Hollywood daydream is that I am capable to do customer service jobs, but it is not my first choice . . . or second . . . or third . . . or . . . you get the idea it’s just not a field I want to stay within. It’s just mind numbing and doesn’t provide me with any type of challenges.

In conclusion, as my resume bombards potential employers/rejecters I shall keep my fingers crossed that I can land a job that makes me not despise waking up in the morning, and I'll hope that it is a job outside of the realm of direct customer service. In the mean time I will keep writing and hopefully staying focused long enough to finish something that will be published for the world to read, or maybe I will finish “Slothcano” by my own self imposed July deadline and I can finally sleep on a pile of SyFy TV movie money.

P.S.

For you Hollywood big wigs reading this I want you to know one thing about me…