You Could Always Get Something Worst*

Today's post was supposed to be a letter directed to You, but I didn't have the courage to share it with You nor the courage to share my feelings for you with anyone but you. So instead of that I am just going to sum up where my life is at right now because why the fuck not this is my space and I can do what I please.

So let me start off with You. To sum up the letter I wrote (obviously omitting your name and anything that would let people know who you are because neither of us need outsiders nonsense involved. I touched base on what I said to you through our text conversations. If You want me to I will send this to you, even if you don't want me to I may just because it was stuff I needed to add. I just have been in an awkward mind state since I spilled my feelings to you on Monday. I didn't want to, if it was up to me I would have never said a word, but you forced it out of me by the things you said. I feel for you like I haven't for anyone in a long time hence why I never said anything. It terrifies me to have feelings. I keep them hidden from everyone including myself, but I haven't stopped thinking about you or our conversation. I just need to try and step away from everything to get my mind back on track because I know where our lives are (yours mainly I suppose) we can't be anything.

So if You do not hear from me you know why. If you are not You do not ask who You is because I would not tell you.

Now I am listening to the new album from The Weekend and I can't help but seeing our situation and my feelings in a lot of the lyrics. I mean not the ones about blatant drug abuse and fucking bitches, but you know the other stuff.

On a side note: go listen to his new album because it is fucking fantastic. He has a song with Lana Del Rey who has been in rotation on my Spotify a lot lately and the collaboration is brilliant. As is the whole album. So go listen to the album.

I love how I didn't want to share anything with the world then proceeded to do so anyway.

Any-who, Now that that is out of the way on to the rest of my life.

I am still working at a call center which is far from what I want to do and it is starting to really wear down on me paired with my confused emotions this past week I am really approaching my breaking point. Nearly three years working in a call center will do that to any ambitious person.

Now I need to be honest I did have one job offer but I turned it down because after weighing the pros and cons of this other position the cons won out. I just felt it was better to stay miserable where I am then go to another job that is nothing near what I want to do nor would  provide any experience toward that goal. Would I be happier? Maybe, but It may have just been marginal, so I stayed put and just keep searching.

My friend put me on to a few recruiters she has had some success with so I am setting up with them now and hopefully I can locate something through them and move on to a better place to help me get out of this nasty funk I'm in. I also think it would be nice for you guys the reader to stop hearing about this job and the slight depression it causes.

It is also slightly depressing that my financial situation is completely fucked. It has been a rough month and September is going to be worse since I have two weddings to go to and they are both out of state. I did get a reprieve because I thought they were the same week but I apparently can't read and messed up the second one so I have an extra two weeks in between them!

That will ease the financial burden slightly which is nice. I hope to get back to stability by October though my next life thing may keep that from happening.

I am going to join an Ice Hockey league. This is something that I have been wanting to do all my life and I am finally making the jump to do it and I'm pretty excited. I have been playing hockey for a long time, but it was always roller hockey and I like to pretend I'm pretty good that. Then this last winter I bought ice skates and for the first time in my life played ice hockey: my skill is not as high as with roller, but I think I can get there soon enough. My buddy had me play with his team the other day and I didn't do great, but it was exciting to be out there and I can't wait to get better as a played and have fun while doing it. If you want to donate to my cause hit me up. Maybe I'll make a Kickstarter. People seem to do that these days.

So I think that pretty much sums up everything in life now. It is pretty shitty but I always tell myself, as a former supervisor once said "you could always get something worst." That is true. life could always be worse, but it could also always be better, so here is to hoping I get out of this funk and back to my same happy unemotional having self.

See you Tuesday for some Haiku!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Yes I know this is incorrect. It is an inside joke over at my job. It comes from an email form a supervisor and I find it hilarious that he never noticed the error and made it several times.