Winter Dream

The wind blew rogue snow flakes into her hair as she stood staring at me. I wanted to brush them away. I wanted to bring her close and warm her lips with mine. I wanted to hold her while the stars glistened high above. I just stood with my hands in my sweatpants' pockets. She shifted her weight from leg to leg as the dim light from outside the bar shined around her head like a halo. She was my angel, but my nerves kept her an untouchable heavenly creature. I wished I could climb into her head and find out if she was thinking about me the way I thought of her. Silence floated around us like the smoke from our breath.

The bar door opened and laughter broke our quiet. Her head spun to watch the commotion. Her scent drifted to me. I took a deep breath and let her fill my imagination: our two bodies naked pressed against each other her voice in my ear telling me how it feels. Our skin sweating as we hold each other after my arms wrapped around her hips as I place a gentle kiss on her neck.

The loving couple jumped into their Audi and drove off snapping me back to my aching heart of reality. Their absence left me with the women of my dreams. She now faces me a smile on her face. I look toward the ground hoping somewhere in the snow I would find my balls. A few cigarette butts, some shoe prints, a fresh pile from a small dog, but not one set of testicles. I lifted my head and her smile was gone. We said our goodbyes and I watched her behind sway as she walked to her car.

I walked to mine replaying the night in my head. The moment in the bar where I clutched her leg, the moment she sipped my beer, and my following sip where I could taste her. The moment in the parking lot where I should have brought out the sun.

I watched her car as it left. It was gone and I dropped my head back into my leather seats. The car was freezing cold, but my mind drifted far beyond the physical realm of my reality and back to the world I could have. The world where the sun rise creeps into the open window and the crows squawk as she wakes up in my arms. A world where she glances up with a slight smile as I kiss her forehead and welcome her to the day. A world which we hide from together hiding in each other in the soft bed. A world of my dreams.

I started my car and pull out of the spot replaying my missed opportunity with the woman I want— the woman I need. 

I cursed myself. The words fogged from my frustrated lips.

My car arrived without me remembering how I drove it. My thoughts raced like an Indy car driver spinning on the shores of Monaco. With a numb body I wandered through the dark finding my stiff lonely bed. My head hit the pillow drifting to the dreams of the reality I yearn to find.