Last year I did a few posts in response to topics on the the Writing Prompt Reddit and since rite now I am in the middle of trying to work on my Novel for NaNoWriMo I have no time to post anything new, so for the rest of the month I will be posting some of them on here. The prompt for this following post (fitting for this year) was you have to tell the president that there nuclear weapons do not exist. This is what I came up with, enjoy.
I stepped into the oval office as the President was returning from giving a heated speech usher the threat of nuclear war against the Russians.
“Great speech, sir.”
“Thank you General. Now send out the request for all nuclear bases to be on standby.”
“ I can’t do that Mr. President.”
“You can and you will, you cannot defy an executive order Nathaniel.”
“No, no sir, I would love nothing more than to send nuclear bombs over Baghdad.”
“Moscow, we are going to nuke Russia not Iraq.”
“Sorry sir I was listening to Outkast on my way over here.” I took a seat across from the President at his desk, “So, listen, we don’t have them.”
“Don’t have what?” He confusingly asked.
“Nukes.” I watched as he started to laugh, “not a joke, sir, we do not have nuclear capabilities; never have.”
“Never have? What are you on drugs?”
“Several, but that’s not the point here the; point is we cannot put any nuclear bases on high alert because there are no nukes.”
“No nukes? This is absurd. We have been threatening the use of these things for years; I have attended summits with world leaders to lower the number we have.” He slumped back into his chair, “and here you are telling me they don’t exist.”
“I didn’t say they don’t exist. I just said we don’t have them. I have no idea if they are real or not.”
“Do the Russians have them?”
“Our intelligence says they are faking too, but I just don’t want to say they don’t exist it’s a broad statement. I once met Big Foot at a concert in Edmonton, but people say he doesn’t exist. So, as far as we know they aren’t real.”
“You are shitting me?”
"Not at all, he is a big fan of folk music and he can roll a blunt better than anyone I've met."
Not about Bigfoot, the nukes you moron."
"Not at all, he is a big fan of folk music and he can roll a blunt better than anyone I've met."
Not about Bigfoot, the nukes you moron."
“No sir. We don’t have them and we are sure no one has them.”
He rubbed his eyes and looked at me. He was silent for a few moments before he asked the question I knew was coming:
“What about World War Two? We used them on Japan.”
“False. We told everyone we used them, to scare the world in the years following the war. “
“I have seen the photos of the destruction. If there are no nukes how do you explain that?”
“Godzilla.”
“Excuse me?”
“Godzilla, sir.”
“Godzilla? You really are on drugs.”
“Yes sir, I am.”
“What about the Manhattan project?”
“Big card game and pet-sitting for Godzilla.”
“God fucking Zilla? Nukes are not real but a giant fire breathing lizard?”
“He doesn’t really breathe fire that was made up movie bullshit. He just really likes crushing shit.”
“Where is he?”
“Who?”
“Godzilla, if he is real where is he?”
“Ummm, that’s a good question.”
“You don’t know where he is?”
“No sir, I’m not his handler.”
“Who is?”
“Albert Einstein.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yes, he isn’t dead, in fact he isn’t human. He is an alien, he came here with his pet lizard and did all sorts of science shit and now he is with Godzilla somewhere.”
“Can he crush Moscow or some other Russian city?”
“No, no, Albert is far too small for crushing of any kind.”
“Not Einstein you imbecile: Godzilla. Can he be released on Russia instead?”
“I guess so, though he isn’t fond of the cold weather, so it may have to wait until l summer. I’ll try to get a handle on their position.” I stood up and left the oval office leaving the president to his own confused thoughts.
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