A Brief Monday Philosophy

Self confidence is something I usually have in excess. In public I walk super confident in my own skin and with my own talents, but there are times when I sit up at night and doubt myself.  I doubt my talent, I doubt the direction my life is headed in. I doubt I can ever accomplish my goals. What appears to be doubt is really fear: a fear that I never show to anyone:  a fear that keeps me in a constant state of monotony. I fear I am not good enough. I fear I am destined for a life of un-fulfillment. It is this fear I fight daily. It is this fear that makes me walk and talk with confidence. To reach my dreams I must destroy the fear. Fear will only keep me down. Fear is the enemy and it must be killed in order to accomplish anything. Fear can hold the greatest of people back from becoming what they want to be. Be what you want and destroy the fear. 

Title TBA

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 7

Part VI

The sun blazed on my eyelids and caused them to flutter open. I sat up on Pat’s couch and looked around for him. He wasn’t in the apartment. I felt a bandage that covered the gunshot wound. Pat must have had some back-alley Irish doctor come in and take the bullet. I probably should have rested to let everything heal, but I needed to continue on my mission: whatever that was at this point in time.

I grabbed my bloody jacket off of the back of a kitchen chair, my Walther PPK, and headed back down into the bar. I felt a sharp pain with ever step; it was only a matter of time before the stitches burst. I took a seat at the bar; Pat was cleaning up before opening for lunch.

“Doc told me to tell ya that you should rest fo at least a week.”

“Can I get a whiskey?”

“I figure ya wouldn’t be listening to him laddie, but I guessed I should let ya know what he said.” Pat stared at me and poured a whiskey, I slammed it back. He poured me another, “Ya bags are in tha office.”

“Thanks.”

I slammed back the second whiskey and headed back into the office. I grabbed a couple stacks of money from the briefcase and extra ammo from the duffle bag. I walked back out and dropped a couple hundred on the bar for Pat’s trouble. He pulled out a stack of clothes from under the bar and handed it to me.

“Ya can’t go out looking a mess boy-o” he pointed to the bathroom, “change and I’ll grab ya a jacket”

I walked into the bathroom. I put on a pair of green Mulligan’s sweatpants and a black Mulligan’s tee-shirt: marketing at its finest. I walked out of the bathroom and traded my bloody clothes for the jacket Pat brought down for me. It was a dark grey windbreaker, it wouldn’t keep me too warm but it would cover up my holstered gun. Pat removed the snub nose from my tattered jacket and handed it to me.

“Wouldn’t want ya to forget this.”

“Thanks, I left the rest of my stuff in the office. I’ll come back when this is done to get them.”

I left Mulligan’s as a walking billboard for the place and headed to the Devoni casino. I knew it wouldn’t be open just yet, but I figured I could snoop around for some answers.

A stream of grey clouds moved in over the city blotting out the late morning sun as I walked down the block past the strip club. My thoughts went to then fine young bartender hoping she went unharmed.

I went into a bodega down the street from the casino and grabbed another pack of cigarettes. I tried a new brand: American Spirits; fewer chemicals and in my woozy mind it was a nice step toward healthy living. I grabbed a honey bun as well to try and balance out the blood loss and alcohol consumption. I stepped back out into the bleak day as snow began to blanket the city streets.

I lit up a cigarette and puffed the additive free tobacco into my lungs coughing heavily as I released the smoke into the cold air. The pain in my side made me double over, I spit up a little bit of dark red blood into the fresh powder. I gave up trying to smoke and tossed the butt into the street. The pain exited and I stood back up and ripped open the honey bun eating it as I walked the block to the alley. The guard was not yet on duty so I walked down to the door. It was unlocked so I turned the knob and pulled out my Walther before entering the doorway.

Behind the steel door was a dark stairwell, I inched my way to the top stair where another steel door welcomed me. This one was locked so I did what any respectable person would do: I knocked.

I lifted my gun up to the slot toward the top of the door as it slid open.

“Open the door.”

I heard the lock unlatch and I slowly pushed the door open.

“You shouldn’t be here Jason.” I was greeted by Terry. He was a small bald sloth faced man with the body of a bowling pin.

“Good to see you too. I guess you know I’m not here for cards.” I smiled as I went to re-holster my weapon.

“Please keep it out for the cameras.”

I pulled the gun back out and pressed it against Terry’s head.

Terry began walking so I followed him keeping my Walther PPK close to his temple. We walked into the back office. We took seats on opposite sides of the desk. I kept the gun pointed at him for the show. I wasn’t going to shoot him. I liked Terry as much as a degenerate gambler can like a black jack dealer.

“I see you’re moving up in the world. They let you run this place now?”

He fidgeted in his plush leather chair and leaned forward onto his desk.

“I have information for you, but I need you to make it look like I put up some sort of fight before saying anything, if they see me acting like your buddy you may as well pull that trigger now.” He pulled out a purple handkerchief from his suit jacket pocket and dabbed the sweat off of his forehead. I stood up and slammed the barrel of my pistol across his face.

“Fuck!” He spit out a pool of blood and a tooth onto his desk. He sat stunned for a moment before talking. “Kathy, as you may know, was higher up in the Devoni family than I thought.”

“No shit, she stole files from my employer and now I’m a target for every dirty wop in the fucking city.”

Terry laughed causing more blood to spill out of his mouth, “once she found out who you were her new position left her no choice.”

“Smoke?” He shook his head as I lit another American Spirit and drove the butt of my gun into his right shoulder. “Just keeping up appearances,” which I was, but also he had one of those annoying laughs that made me always want to hit him. Now I had his permission, so I took advantage.

He shook off the pain and continued “a buddy of mine overheard Devoni higher ups discussing you. That organization that you work for was planning on using you to take out all the high ranking members of the family. Carracci was just the start of your work.”

“I could always use more work.”

“Yeah, but the plot thickens my friend.”

I bashed him in the shoulder again and took a seat; he wiped more blood out of his mouth and sat back in his chair in pain.

“Go on.”

He leaned forward and took a deep breath, “ turns out Kathy was only running this until her new job opened up.”

“What job is that?”

“Don.”

I slumped into my chair and dropped my cigarette onto the floor.

“Yeah, I was surprised too, but a guy who works at the compound came in here, had a little too much to drink, and confirmed it with me. She is Devoni’s daughter and the Godfather’s successor.”

I lit another cigarette and grabbed the tumbler of whiskey off Terry’s desk and poured myself a shot. I slammed it back and lit another cigarette.

“Her first order of business,” Terry spoke at a whisper like someone was listening, “was to stop your employer from gaining any ground in Salem Bay which meant taking out their local muscle which is you. So, as the great Don Corleone would say ‘it was business not personal.’”

“I’m not about this Sicilian bullshit. Someone wants me dead it becomes personal. Have you ever seen the compound?”

“No, but I’m sure it won’t be easy for you to get into if that’s your plan.” He picked up a wood pipe off his desk and started puffing smoke into the air, “All the family muscle is looking for you. In fact I need to make a call to the hotel across the street to tell them you were here, or I’ll be dead.”

“How many are across the street?”

“Not sure.” He smiled, “just remember who your friends are if you make it out of this alive.”

I stood up and put my cigarette out on his desk and walked out of the office. I heard him on the phone as I was making way through the casino. I headed back into the alley with my gun ready.

The snow began to fall harder as I stepped back outside. There was only one way out of the alley and it was toward the street where the hotel was. I saw several people walking past, but the wind whipped down the alley spinning the snow through the air which made it difficult to see if any of them were walking with the intent to put a bullet into my head. I crouched low and started down the alley when bullets began to fly in my direction ripping apart the brick wall behind me. I dove behind a dumpster and waited for a break in the action to look out to see who the shots were coming from.

The shots ceased once I was behind the dumpster and out of their sight. I tried to think of a way to get myself out of this predicament. Most of the high officials in the police department were on the Devoni payroll so I couldn’t hope they would be on their way after reported gunfire. I wished at that time I had taken my Heckler & Koch MP7 sub-machine gun instead of just two pistols. I felt warm blood leaking from my wound as a couple of the stitches broke.

The sound of footsteps crushing in the fresh snow echoed off the buildings. My first thought was to jump out and put a bullet in each of them, but I didn’t know if they had a sniper watching the alley from the hotel: that’s what I would do if I was in their greasy shoes. I tried to put the fact that I was bleeding from my mind and try to focus on formulating a plan as the footsteps came closer.

            Voices spoke in what sounded like Italian as the footsteps ceased. I took a deep breath and before I could jump out guns a blazing I heard two loud thuds. I peered around the dumpster to find two olive skinned men lying lifeless in the snow with throwing knives sticking out from their throats.

            “It’s ok boy-o,” someone shouted in a thick Irish accent.

            I stood up to see a fair skinned man standing at the entrance of the alley. He smiled exposing his yellow teeth beneath a red mustache. He may have only been five foot six, but he was built solid with muscles that nearly burst from his beige flannel shirt, and tight faded blue jeans.

            “Thanks,” I said as I stared down at my would be assassins.

            “Aye, not a problem,” he approached me with a hand out, I grabbed it and shook. His grip nearly crushed my hand, “My name is Dermot, Patty sent me. said ya might be needin’ some help.”

            I re-holstered my Walther PPK and opened my jacket up; the blood was seeping through my shirt.

            “Maybe we should go back to Patty’s and get ya sealed.”

            I closed up the jacket and pulled out another cigarette, Dermot gave me a light, “I have something to do first.”

            “Aye, Patty said you’re a stubborn on, how about I give ya a hand.”

            I gladly took Dermot’s assistance. I needed to get into the Devoni compound. It would have been suicide if I went solo, but with an experienced gun by my side I had a chance. We jumped into Dermot’s puke green 1979 Ford Pinto and headed out of town to whatever fate awaited us at the compound.

All

A phone call,

a subtle kiss

with soft lips;

We have it all.

A hand for when I fall

you made it better with a kiss.

Until the word ‘over’ left your lips

we had it all.

I awake to a cat’s claw

realizing I dreamt that kiss

and never felt your lips.

We never had it all.

If I can ever make that call

and give you a subtle kiss

tasting your soft lips

we can have it all.

One day you’ll get my call,

but until then I’ll dream of it all.

On the Shore

A westward wind whips waves

slamming into the silver sands

as I stand waiting for a spirit.

Standing in solitude on the shore

feeling the freezing ocean waters

crash on my bare feet.

I stare to the sea hoping.

Hoping for happiness to roll in,

but alone I stand soulless in the sand;

ever waiting for the low tide

to expose all the unseen.

In the unseen my happiness awaits

hidden deep below

the wind whipped waves.

Movies That You Should All Sit Down and Watch Because I Said So: Part Five

Welcome, welcome! It has been about two months since I last gave you guys an installment of my ‘Movies That You Should Sit Down and Watch’ series, and you are probably wondering where in the wide world of sports I have been. Well, I was chilling with Carmen San Diego at the V.I.L.E. headquarters, but there were also other things going on that I talked about here and again here.

But now I am back for part five of my series! I think the last time out I promised this would be the sports version, though I am not about to go back and look so even if I didn’t say that I did now. Yes, that means it is time for me to discuss Space Jam!!! How exciting is that? So exciting I used three exclamation points.

When people list sports movies they usually throw in Hoosiers, but I will not. That movie sucked, and it will never be on a list of mine. Sorry, Gene you’re movie was lame and not at all interesting, but hey Barbara Hershey was in Hoosiers and is in one of the films is listed below (The Natural) so that counts right? There are a couple movies that I wish I had space for today like Mighty Ducks, Remember the Titans, and Kingpin, among several others which will appear on the next installment of the sports version, but they must wait their turn. 

Let me stop keeping you up here with mindless dribble and get to the point of us gathering today, so without further ado here is some classic sports films: enjoy.

The Harder They Fall (1956)- Mark Robson; Columbia Pictures Corporation

The Harder They Fall is a fantastic movie that goes behind the scenes of the corruption that plagued the sport of boxing, but that is not the only reason I am leading off with this film. This also marked the final performance of one of my favorite actors of all time Humphrey Bogart, who died shortly after the film’s release. He put in a brilliant performance to end his career playing Eddie Willis a sports writer hired by a sleaze ball fight promoter to aide in generating excitement for a new fighter. Bogart looked ill during the film, yet he still delivered a memorable performance which only added to his legend as one of the greatest actors of all time. 

Slap Shot (1977)- George Roy Hill; Kings Road Entertainment, Pan Arts, Universal Pictures

Sadly this is the only film to make the list from my favorite sport of Hockey, but at least it is a great one. “Dan, what about Mighty Ducks or Miracle?” Both OK films but not better than the ones on this list, and do either of those have Paul Newman? Nope, I didn’t think so. Well, Slap Shot has Mr. Newman and he is fantastic as the player coach of the Charleston Chiefs Reg Dunlop. The movie has great hockey scenes paired with goofy slapstick off-ice shenanigans that all the sports comedies following would take influence from.

Every player on the Chiefs is a character and each of the main ones are well developed by screen writer Nancy Dowd. Dowd also created a ridiculous array of villains such as Tim ‘Dr. Hook’ McCracken, Ross ‘Mad Dog’ Madison, Clarence Screaming Buffalo’ Swampton, and the legendary Ogie Ogilthorpe who all come together on the same team to battle the chiefs for the championship. With an ending to the game that is just absurd as the rest of the movie, this film will keep you laughing from start to finish, if it doesn’t I really don’t know if we can be friends.

P.S. My birthday is coming up in August, so if anyone wants to buy me an Ogie Ogilthorpe Syracuse Bulldogs’ jersey it would be appreciated, I'll even take the tee-shirt jersey version.

Caddyshack (1980)- Harold Ramis: Orion Pictures

Take an all-star comedy cast, including Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, and Ted Knight, add in mayhem at a golf course and what you get is one of the funniest and most timeless comedies of all time. From memorable one-liners to slapstick antics this film has everything a comedy fan could want and it has enough suspenseful golf play to make it an all time classic sports films as well. 

There just isn’t a scene where Dangerfield, Chase, or Murray is on the screen that isn’t memorable. I can quote this movie all day; in fact one day at work I pretty much did just that. My poor co-workers, some of them others are just too dumb for words and I don’t care if I annoy them, actually I don’t care if I annoy anyone. If they don’t like Caddyshack quotes being tossed around all day there is something wrong with them.

If you haven’t seen this movie yet the pond is better for you, so remember to keep kangaroos away from your ball and go watch the movie: after all we’re all getting laid.

Raging Bull (1980)- Martin Scorsese; United Artists, Chartoff-Winkler Productions

This is beyond the greatest sports film ever made it is one of the greatest films of all time period. Robert De niro puts in the best performance of his career which is saying something considering all of his classic performances and was rewarded with his second Oscar (the first for actor in a leading role). It wasn’t just the acting that was impressive from De Niro, but also his physical transformation for the scenes of young Jake Lamotta to old Jake. Joe Pesci supports him playing Jake Lamotta’s older brother in his own Oscar nominated performance.

Raging Bull also gave Martin Scorsese his first well deserved Oscar nomination. How he did not win is beyond me. Every scene is brilliant especially the scenes of the actual boxing matches, which are only maybe ten minutes of the film, yet took nearly two months to film, and the result is some of the most brilliant work in all of film. This is the film he deserved to win an Academy Award for. It is far superior in every way to his film The Departed which eventually won him the award that previously eluded him.

I could go on for a while about this film, but I won’t because I have others to get to, so just go watch it and see what I am talking about.

The Natural (1984)- Barry Levinson; TriStar Pictures, Delphi II Productions

A farm boy strikes out the Whammer, who at the time was the greatest hitter in baseball, in three pitches and he was on his way to being a legendary pitcher when some hot little number shot him in the stomach before jumping out a hotel window to her death. Bitches can be mad crazy from time to time. Fast forward a few years when some old guy gets called up to the big leagues to assist a terrible team improve.  People begin to wonder where he came from, and soon his checkered past comes to light.

Robert Redford does a wonderful job playing the subdued superstar ballplayer and is paired with a superb supporting cast which included Glen Close (nominated for best supporting actress), Robert Duvall, Kim Bassinger, Wilford Brimley, and a nice appearance from Michael Madsen as the arrogant superstar Bump Bailey. Though the movie contains baseball situations that are completely wrong and implausible it is still a great story, I mean really what sports movie doesn’t have goofs related to the games they depict?

Major League (1989)- David Ward; Mirage Enterprises, Morgan Creek Productions

A snobby new owner set on moving the team to Florida because she can’t stand Cleveland puts together a roster of dim-wits, half-wits, over the hill players, freaks, geeks, and one bad ass motherfucker so the team could be awful and she could get her wish. As in most sports underdog movies the evil owner loses as the team strives for greatness once Wild Thing (Charlie Sheen) gets a prescription filled and is a bit less wild. All the while hilarity ensues on the field, in the locker-room, and off the field as the Indians look to beat the rival Yankees for a pennant.  This is one of my favorite comedies and I have seen it an abundance of times and still laugh every time: that folks, is a sign of a timeless classic. 

Space Jam (1996)- Joe Pytka; Warner Bros.

What do you get when you toss random ingredients such as Michael Jordan, Looney Tunes, Newman, high profile NBA stars, Danny DeVito, and Bill Fucking Murray? You get a piece of cinematic genius and one of the greatest sports movies ever. Of course this was going to be on my first list of sports movies because it is super duper fucking awesome. I mean, with all those parts working together how could you screw up? There was a time when I first got this movie on VHS where my brothers and I watched it nearly every day, and now I own the super deluxe two disc sick special edition which has given me the ability to quote the shit out of this movie. I haven’t even mentioned what may be the greatest soundtrack ever paired with a movie, so get your Haines on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and Gatorade, and we’ll pick up a Big Mac on the way to watch this film in my living room: and no, Dan Akroyd is not in this picture. 

He Got Game (1998)- Spike Lee; Touchstone Pictures, 40 Acres & A Mule Filmworks

It has one of Denzel Washington’s best performances (in his top ten at least, the dude is super talented, though this film has his best hairdo by far), should I even say anything else? I do? It is one of Spike Lee’s best ‘joints’ (not weed stupid that is what Lee calls all of his films). A film about a high school basketball star, Jesus Shuttlesworth (played by NBA star Ray Allen), and his struggles with the corruption that lurks around every corner trying to influence the decision that he must make regarding his future. This is further complicated by his father’s (Washington) timely release from prison. 

Million Dollar Baby (2004)- Clint Eastwood; Warner Bros., Lakeshore Entertainment

Winner of four Academy Awards Million Dollar Baby starts off as a tale of determination to chase dreams, but it ends in a sad tale of dealing with difficult situations and the power of friendship. The films brilliance earned Eastwood his second Oscar for his work behind the camera, it helped that in front of the camera he was nominated for best actor in a leading role and was paired with Hilary Swank who won for best actress and the always wonderful Morgan freeman who won an Academy Award for best supporting actor.  A film about boxing that is also an emotional rollercoaster. 

The Wrestler (2008)- Darren Aronofsky; Wild Bunch, Protozoa Pictures, Saturn Films, Top Rope

Darren Aronofsky teamed up with screen writer Robert Siegel to give Mickey Rourke the role he was born to play. Rourke portrays an aging wrestler who struggles with his life as he is faced with retiring. Rourke looks like a man whom had been beaten up by life and in a ring so he fit the character perfectly and along with fantastic performances from Marissa Tomei and Evan Rachel Wood who play his stripper love interest and estranged daughter respectively. What this mix brings is a wonderful story that is more about the struggles of life than it is about sport and is another film that makes you feel all sorts of feels if you have emotions like a normal person, but if you’re like me it is just a real good film. On top of the all that relevant film info the final scene was shot in my old home town of Dover, so it's got that going for it.