A Different Christmas

I was prepping a jolly Christmas post, well not jolly it was about an earthling who was the only survivor of a colony on a distant planet who finds himself seeking out a mysterious light around Christmas time, but that isn't getting posted.

Last night on December 24th I lost my lovely wonderful grandma.

I'll miss you. I really don't know how to deal with this, but I'm going to do it like I do with most things and that is by writing about it.

Grandma,

I just want to let you know how much I love you and how much you have meant to me throughout my life.  I am going to miss our long conversations about great literature,  our political discussions, and our other life talks, but most of all I'll just miss sitting on an adjacent couch from you and laughing. 

While I am utterly heartbroken with losing you, I am happy to know you are spending this Christmas with Grandpa. May you have a Manhattan and catch up on the years without him.

Life will never be the same  without you in it, but I love you with all my heart and will have you on my mind everyday and with every word I write.

g

Love,
Danny

A Western End

part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5

Part 2

“I’m just plain tired of it.” Shelby slumps forward in his chair spinning the Colt Dragoon resting on the table.

“We’s gone be fine like always Shelby.”

 
Shelby doesn’t look at his younger brother Odum as he tried to comfort him. Odum was barely 22 yet he has see more than most criminals roaming the territory. His smile was that of an innocent man, yet his mind was darkened by with the souls of many people taken at his hands. His hair was light blonde and his eyes a deep blue, when in Red Creek and all the similar dirt towns he is favored by the women and despised by the men.

“Maybe it is jus’ time to let that old marshal get me. Jus’ ride to town an’ let him have me hung. It’s tha only endin’ that I deserve.” Shelby stands up, walks over to the cabin window, and stares out over the frosted plains. Shelby is not as handsome as his younger brother. His hair is a dark blonde and his eyes an eerie grey, but what he lacks in the looks department he makes up for in intelligence. 

“Don’ go talkin’ like tha’ wha’ would mama say?”

“Mama would say we’s givin’ the Kindel’s a bad name. Sometime I’m glad she ain’t alive to watch what I have become an’ the path I led you down.” Shelby leans his head against the filthy glass window, “I wish I could change my path; I wish I could have made mama proud.

“Mama is proud, we ain’t poor no more.” Odum stands up and walks over to his brother placing his hand on Shelby’s shoulder. “Remember where we was when mama died, you saved us an’ all the boy’s dat’s why we loyal to ya an’ believe in where ya take us.”

“Sure I remember.”

Shelby went deep into his memory and watched as the plains turned into the bustling streets of Paterson. 

Snow covered the trees and the Great Falls were nearly frozen over, young Shelby stood by the shore of the Passaic River staring out at the blooming city above. Odum came stumbling down the hill.

“We can’t stay here. We ain’t got nothin’ left.” Shelby spoke without turning around at his brother.

“We gots Auntie Beatrice.” Odum tried to force a smile.

“She can’t even take care of her own how you think she take care of us?”

“But she said mama tol’ her dat we will stay wit her.”

“Mama is dead, Odum,” Shelby turned to face his brother, “look at us. Tha way we dressed there no way we survive winter here.”

Odum looked down at himself he was wearing a torn grey frock coat that once belonged to Shelby and a pair of faded black pants that were once their older brother who was rotting somewhere in the filth of a Manhattan jail awaiting his meeting with the hangman. He looked back at Shelby who was wearing just a plain green button down shirt without a jacket, his face was red from the winter wind.

“Where we gonna go Shel?” Odum began to cry, “Manhattan?”

“We don’ wanna go there. I went to visit Matthew an’ saw where he was livin’. The Five Points ain’t made for no human livin’. We gotta go west.”

“West?”

Shelby wiped his brother’s tears from his cheek and embraced him. He ran his hand through Odum’s blonde hair. “Yea. we gotta go west. I got us some money so we will take a train out to St. Louis an’ make our way from there.”

“How you gets money for a train?”

“I killed a man.” Shelby let go of his brother and turned back around to the river. “I stabbed him in tha neck an’ tooks his money and pocket watch an’ left him to die alone.”

Odum started to cry heavily.

“I ain’t have no choice, ain’t noone gonna take care of us but me.” Tears rolled down Shelby’s cheeks past the scar that he got from working in the mill when he was younger. “It jus’ us.”

“Ain’t ya worried about hell?”

“Hell is where we livin now. I ain’t worried bout nothin’ but getting us out of bein’ poor.”

The cabin door opens and the mills of Paterson turn back into the frosted plains.

“You right Odum, mama would be proud, maybe not of the ways we lived, but that we taken care of each other.” Shelby smiles and walks back over to take a seat at the table.

“Any sign of the ole marshal?”

“Nah, sir, we gots no sign of him.” Norwood Lyle speaks as he piles firewood into the stove.  “If any of tha fellas see someone dey sure run to tell us.”

“Put some coffee on fo’ the boys. Have em come in fo’ breakfast.”

“But boss whas bout dat marshal?” Norwood asks as he starts the coffee.

“Cummings ain’t gone kill no man while eatin’ eggs. He a man of God an’ ain’t gonna kill no one that ain’t out to harm him.”

Norwood wiped his black hands on his gray shirt and heads to the door. he shouts out “Fellas we’s gone have some breakfas’.” Norwood makes his way back to the stove and starts cracking the eggs the gang stole from a nearby ranch.

“Maybe we should move from here Shel.” Odum takes the seat next to his brother at the table. “Maybe we go north ta Canada, they ain’t got no idea who we are there, maybe we can start again.”

“Till Marshal Cummings is out of the way we ain’t gonna be safe no wheres.” Shelby plucks the Colt off the table storing it safely in the holster on his hip. “We gonna stan’ an’ fight. Sides he ain’t gonna be wit no one.”

“How you know he ain’t gonna have no posse?”

“Ain’t no one in that town he can trus’, bunch of crooks and thieves that never forgave him fo’ killin’ Elsworth Sloane.”

Three men walk into the cabin lead by Archie Bruff a muscle bound man who has a flair for flannel shirts and the lumberjack beard to match, following behind him was Walton McMurry a short anger filled Irishman, and Moses Hagerman a plain looking young kid no more than 16 who joined the gang after escaping an orphanage. They take seats around the table.

“Wha tha nigger cookin’?” Archie asks with a smile on his face.

Shelby stares at him anger boils up and he punches Archie square in the nose, blood spills out onto the table.

“Wha I say ‘bout that word? Norwood is one of us an’ ain’t no one call him a nigger.”

“Sorry boss.” Archie holds his nose and tilts his head back in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

“Don’ apologize to me. You apologize to Norwood.” Shelby stands up and walks over to the cabinet and grabs a ragged cloth and tosses it at Archie.

“I sorry Norwood.”

“Ain’t nothin’ I knows you ain’t mean no harm by it. I used to worse anyways.” Norwood walks over with a pot of coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs placing it in the center of the table. “Yous is the only family I have, I don’t mind some foolin’.” Norwood smiles and takes his seat at the table with the rest of the gang. Shelby brings cups and plates and joins them.

Movies That You Should All Sit Down and Watch Because I Said So: Part Eight

Welcome back folks! It has been a couple of months since I brought you a new 'Movies That You Should All Sit Down and Watch Because I Said So" and since it is December I decided to share some of my holiday favorites. I chose to go with full length feature films which is why you won't see a couple of my absolute favorites such as How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original cartoon, not that Jim Carrey abomination that can burn in hell where it belongs), A Charlie Brown Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, or any of those sweet ass claymation made for TV movies.

It was tough to narrow it down, so I'm sure next year you will see such holiday awesomeness as I'll be Home for Christmas starring the dreamy JTT and Jessica Biel, Hulk Hogans awful Santa With Muscles, or some other movie that is actually awful, but puts me in the spirit of the holidays.

So sit back decorate whatever it is you decorate and enjoy.

A Christmas Story (1983)- Bob Clark; MGM, Christmas Tree Films

It wouldn't be Christmas without watching  A Christmas Story, though it has been played to death with all day showings of it, I still like to find time at least once a year to sit down and enjoy this film. I think at this point everyone and their great grandfather has seen this movie, so I don't need to go into much detail, but if you are one of those weirdos who has lived under a rock all these years go watch the movie: just try not to shoot your eye out.

Die Hard (1988)- John McTiernan; 20th Century Fox, Gordon Company, Silver Pictures

It wouldn't be Christmas without John McClane (Bruce Willis) kicking some terrorist ass at the Najatomi Plaza. This it the first and best of the Die Hard films. John just wants to go and see his wife and family for Christmas, but noooo he can't just simply do that because Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) and his German terrorist group have taken everyone at John's wife's company Christmas party hostage. Instead of sipping eggnog and catching up with his wife and kids Mr. McClane has to kill people and save lives.

And don't start with that 'Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie' bullshit. If it wasn't a Christmas movie would John have written this nice holiday message on the sweater of a dead terrorist?

No, I didn't think so.

Scrooged (1988)- Richard Donner; Paramount Pictures, Mirage Productions

Whenever Bill Murray does anything it becomes comedic gold because the man is a genius, so when he tackles Dickens 'A Christmas Carol' the end result is brilliance. Murray plays a TV executive who is a complete scrooge he has everyone working on Christmas Eve to produce a live version of 'A Christmas Carol'. During the night he is visited by the three Ghosts of Christmas just like Ebeneezer Scrooge in the book, but will he too have a change of heart? That is for you to watch the movie and find out. Trust me you will not be disappointed, unless you are not a fan of Bill Murray. If that is the case go to a doctor because you may be dead.

Christmas Vacation (1989)- Jeremiah Chechik; Warner Bros. Hughes Entertainment

One of the most dysfunctional families in motion picture history gathers together to celebrate Christmas. The Griswolds return to us as Clark plans on having the best Christmas ever and as with the vacation he wanted to have to Wally World a few years prior nothing goes right.

It all starts going wrong when Cousin Eddie arrives with his RV and it just goes down the storm drain like the shit from Eddie's RV from there. Everything that goes wrong goes wrong, but hey at leaset Clark has his Christmas bonus to look forward to, and the nice pool he plans on building with it, right?

Home Alone (1990)- Chris Columbus; Hughes Entertainment, 20th Century Fox

A movie that makes parents feel like they aren't that bad. Kevin, played by Macaulay Culkin, gets left behind as his family frantically tries to leave for the airport. First the poor kid doesn't get any plain pizza and then he gets left alone, what else could go wrong? He could also be in a home being stalked by hardened professional criminals, but fortunately for him he gets Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern). The 'Wet Bandits' a term Marv has given the duo because he always leaves the kitchen sink running after robbing a house, because that seems like something that anyone would do. They think that Kevin would be an easy target, but oh boy they are wrong!

While all that is going on Kevin's mom hitches a ride from a polka band headed by John Candy to try and make it back home to save her son, because now for some reason she cares. She didn't care to notice he wasn't with them when they left, but now she cares. John Candy is hilarious and one of my favorite characters in the film after Pesci and Stern.

Home Alone 2 (1992)- Chris Columbus; Hughes Entertainment, 20th Century Fox

How shitty can these parents be? It was just two years ago that you left him alone to fend for himself and now you lose him at an airport and he winds up in the concrete jungle of New York City. How were all your children not taken away? Are you fucking kidding me? I get it Kevin is an annoying child you fucked up when you had him. You should have stopped when you had Buzz because if that kid isn't a sign that you shouldn't have been parents I don't know what would be: oh yeah forgetting your kids.

With that rant behind us I can maybe talk about the movie. It contains much of the same hijinks as the first one as Kevin tries and survive New York City while making fools of Harry and Marv now going by the 'Sticky Bandits', in Marv's mind anyway. While they are similar in the tomfoolery Home Alone 2 is the rare sequel that is better than the first. It could be because the setting allows for more to happen or it could be because of Tim Curry. I'm going to go with a nice combination of both.


Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.

The Santa Clause (1994)- John Pasquin

Usually when someone dies by falling off your roof  their family would take your ass to court for everything that you are worth, and in this case Scott Calvin, played by Tim Allen, a suave businessman who chose working over his family so their would be a lot of money at stake. That isn't the case in the universe of The Santa Clause. In this world you take over that mans job of breaking into peoples homes and leaving gifts for little boys and girls.

Tim Allen has to learn not only how to become Santa Claus, but also how to stop disappointing his lame wad son. Not only have his ex-wife all mad because their son thinks he is Santa but he also has the guy plowing her, Judge Rienhold, trying to psychoanalyze him and keep Scott from his son. I mean it would be one thing to keep the kid away if Scott was out trying to board planes with 650 grams of cocaine or driving around drunk, but the man is just trying to start a new career out as Santa Claus: just let his lame son believe in him for Christ's sake

Jingle All the Way (1996); Brian Levant; 1492 Pictures, 20th Century Fox

When you think of Christmas the first thing I'm sure that pops into your head is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, me too.

Basically the plot revolves around Arnold who is a very busy business man and always disappoints his son by missing life events because he is too busy at the office. I don't blame him, if my son was that obnoxious I would stay later at work as well. Sorry Jamie dad has to work hard so you can live it that big house, go to those karate classes, to get that lame bowl haircut, and to have cable TV to watch your dumb Turbo Man show. In order for his stupid kid to love him he must go out on Christmas Eve and try and find a Turbo Man doll. Picture going out Christmas Eve in 1996 looking for a Tickle Me Elmo, that's pretty much what happens here.

Jingle All the Way is so fantastically awesome not only because of all the lines that I quote throughout the holiday season, but also because it co-stars the legendary Phil Hartman. The main co-star is Sinbad and sure he has memorable lines throughout the movie, but when Phil Hartman is in something he tends to overtake other actors.

Bad Santa (2003)- Terry Zwigoff; Columbia Pictures, Dimension Films, Triptych Pictures

This is one of the only two movies on this list I can watch at any time of the year (along with Die Hard) because it is not just about Christmas it is down right hysterical. Billie Bob Thornton is the perfect person to play the role of a conman posing as a mall Santa to pull off a heist. He is such a believable asshole alcoholic conman one would think he is really one. Mix in Bernie Mac and John Ritter in his last live action role and you get a holiday movie that keeps you laughing from beginning to end.

So before I move on to the next film I just have to ask:

Get Santa (2014)- Christopher Smith; Film i Vast, Scott Free Productions

I had nine movies and I had to make a choice: I could put on another movie everyone has seen or put an obscure one, so I went the obscure route. Get Santa comes to us from across the pond starring Jim Broadbent as the jolly saint with slight pedophile tendencies. I know him as Boss Tweed from Gangs of New York, the rest of you may know him as Professor Horace Slughorn from the Harry Potter series. Regardless of where you know him from he plays a fantastic Santa Claus.

Basically the plot of the movie is that Santa crashes his sleigh then goes on the run from the police, but before he gets caught and tossed into jail he hides out in someones shed. A young boy goes into the shed. . . yeah I thought the same thing at first, but no nothing perverted happened; on camera at least. Anyway Santa knows this boy and his father (clearly because he is Santa, and when the father was young he met Santa) and they are the only ones that can save him, so they go through a lot to try and prove the man who was arrested is really Santa Claus. Meanwhile the Father, played by Rafe Spall, was recently released from prison and uses this as a time to bond with his son again. He also uses his connections inside the prison to try to make Santa tough and the ability to survive in jail.

Overall it is a funny movie and a nice Christmas tale of a father trying to do what is right and fix his life. A lot of the humor is dry as most British humor is, so if you don't like British comedies this may not be for you, but give it a chance anyway because it will get you into the Christmas spirit.



Have a Merry Christmas or happy whatever Holiday you celebrate, regardless of your faith, if any, just go drink (unless that's against your religious beliefs then go and toke a bit or something) because being a human is stressful and everyone could use a drink.

A Western End

part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

PART 1

The sky glows orange as the sun rises over the barren plains to the east. The earth below is covered in a slight frost— a sign of the fast approaching winter: a sign that Marshal Harold Cummings only had a few weeks to locate a savage murderer before the snow slims his chances. The Marshal awakes and rises to his feet stretching his arms high above his head. Marshal Harold is well over six feet, but in his old age, his back began to slouch giving him the appearance of being shorter. His beard is gray yet his hair is still the dark brown from his youth, but starting to sprinkle with age. He dressed in a burgundy bib shirt, tan deerskin gloves, matching canvas pants tucked neatly into his black cowboy boots. He adjusts his knee length black duster, and grabs his matching slouch hat off the ground and puts it on his head. He grabs his holster wrapping it around his waist. Marshal Cummings removes the Colt Peacemaker from the holster and inspects it before he sliding it back into place.

  He stands in place staring out at the snow capped mountains in the west as the warm fall sun shines on his back. He is headed toward a small cabin located on an abandoned ranch: a place known as a hideout for wanted fugitives. The old marshal knows it well. He had captured many men there and killed even more, but that was when he was young before he hands shook, before his fingers pained him to bend. It was when he could draw quicker than any man north of the Rio Grande.  It was before he had a family to get back to.

It would be dangerous to head to the ranch alone, but he had gone too far to turn back and round a posse.Even if he did who in town can he even trust anymore? Besides the bitter cold and snow was coming making time of the essence and it was about time he ended the chase for the fugitive who had eluded him for the last ten years.

His horse gallops over the frozen ground. His mind wandering to his past. A time when he was young when he first arrived as the new marshal in the small dust bowl town of Red Creek.

It was a Monday in 1864. The day was hot even for mid-July. The sun hung lazily over the main street of the town as he rode his horse down the dirt road. The streets were empty. He wore the same knee-length duster her wears today. His eyes were bright, his smile was electric, and his muscles nearly burst through his gray bib shirt. He hoped his takeover from the old marshal would go smoothly, but he knew it wouldn’t. He was ambitious, but he also was looking to escape past struggles.

He hitched his horse in front of the Marshal’s building. He grabbed a packet of papers from his satchel and headed into the building. It was much larger than how it appeared from the outside. Three large cells lined the back and three desks dotted the room. Only one had any signs of being occupied, but no one sat there. The desk was covered in wanted posters waiting to be hung up on the board outside and half empty bottle of dark liquor accompanied by two empty bottles.

The cages in the back were vacant. His chair creaked as he moved impatiently waiting to meet the current marshal. A clock ticked away on a far wall echoing into his head. Harold stood up and decided to explore his new home. The streets were silent like a Sunday morning. Something was amiss. He walked across the street to the saloon.  

The doors swung open and the place was almost as empty as the streets. Just the bartender stood behind the bar blankly staring at the new comer.

“Can I’s help ya?” The bartender spoke in a rough voice as a bit of tobacco chew dripped from the corner of his mouth lodging in his auburn beard.

Harold didn’t speak he just approached the bar and took a seat on one of the stools. The bartender continued his cold stare as Harold removed his hat and brushed his hand through his thick brown hair.

“You’s got to order or leave.” He spits toward the floor.

“Whisky.”

The bartender drug his one foot along the ground behind him as he struggled to the other side of the bar to fetch a bottle. He brought back a brown bottle and a glass. He wiped out the glass with his apron and filled it with what smelt like whiskey. Marshal Cummings stared at the glass.

“Is there anythin’ else I cans do for ya city?”

“I’m looking for Marshal Jenkins,” Harold said without taking his eye off the filthy glass in front of him.

The bartender stared at the marshal without saying a word instead he spit another wad of chew into the spittoon behind the bar.

“He Ain’t here, you mays want to check up yer ass.”

Marshal Cummings stood up smiling at the man “I'll be sure to take that advice.”

He put his hat back on his head, dropped a coin on the bar, and started out of that saloon. He paused at the doorway, “when he is done banging your whores let him know the new marshal is looking for him.” Harold pushed the saloon doors open and stepped out into the street. He could hear footsteps inside the saloon heading up the creaky staircase.

Harold stood in the middle of the dusty street. He watched as a woman peered out a window above the saloon. Marshal Cummings pulled out his silver pocket watch the big hand swung past the one as a man stepped out of the saloon.

“Marshal Jenkins I presume?”

“Who’s askin’?”

Marshal Jenkins was a short fat man. His red hair was slipping out from under his black gambler hat. his dark red mustache was waxed to point out from either side of his round face. His black rifle frock coat was covered in the red dust that gave Red Creek its name.

“Name is Marshal Harold Cummings.”

Jenkins pushed his coat slightly from his hip to reveal his revolver. He hovered his hand above it ready to put it to use. “And what is it I cans do for ya Cummings?”

The streets began to fill with curious citizens.

“I have a warrant signed by the honorable Judge Archie Lucas for your removal from your post as Marshal and for your arrest on several charges, so you can take your hand from your gun and come one with me to one of those vacant cells over there.”

“I’m the law ‘round here, so I suggest you get the fuck out a here!”

“According to the fine Judge and the governor of this fair territory, I am now the law around here.”

“So whats ya aim to arrest me?”

“And have you hung, yes that is my intention.”

“By Gum! Ya gonna have me hanged? I say I rather be left here in the street as buzzard food than go wit ya.”

Jenkins spit a large wad of tobacco into the street. He then reached for his gun, but before it was even out of the holster a shot went off echoing through the silent street. Marshal Jenkins fell to the ground. He screamed from the pain as blood poured out of his thigh.

“From reading the crimes you are being charged with I would love nothing more than to have you bleed to death here, but I promised the Judge you’d hang and that's what I intend to be your fate.

Marshal Cummings picked up Jenkins and drug him back to the marshal’s office and tossed him into one of the cold lonely cells.

That was long ago. His mind returns the present and to the cabin and the uncertain fate that awaits him.

Haiku Volume 9

Good morning everyone, I have been absent for a while and for that I apologize. I have had a lot on my plate as of late from trying not to get fired to working on a choose your own adventure book for grown ups. Yeah you read that right. A CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE BOOK FOR PEOPLE OUR AGE! 

It is not easy so it may be a while before it is done, but i like the idea, so hopefully I can get it to you soon. In the mean time here are some Haiku for you to enjoy.

I

Feeling on your butt,

but thinking of someone else:

This love is a lie.

II

Up in the dark clouds

thunder claps, lightning flashes

with no end in sight.

III

Bombs over Baghdad.

Our soldiers lives on the line.

Returning home lost.

IV

Passion and loathing

become one when you're around

love turns to hatred.

V

Birth of a nation

celebrating the slaughter

with a roasted bird.

VI

A flag rose halfway,

twenty-one guns in a line;

farewell to heroes.

VII

Cowards killing the

way cowards do. Stay strong France:

Vive la Paris.

VIII

A misunderstood

religion of peace and love

scaring idiots.

The Other Editions

Volume 1

Volume 2

Volume 3

Volume 4

Volume 5

Volume 6

Volume 7
Volume 8

Like Smoke From a Cigarette

Street lights illuminate
the dark town sidewalk.
Silence rains down from the clouds.
Smoke floats a ring above us
as a lit cigarette flutters to the ground.

My heart pounds
beating faster and louder
as I inhale your essence.

Our lips lock.

The sun shines bright
In the middle of night,

bu it retreats as

I watch you fade
Back to where you came.

Away from me.

My hands shake.
My eyes water

As I already miss your taste.

Though you're gone
I whisper
'I love you',
but the words fade
like the smoke from a stray cigarette
only damaging me inside:

Killing me to be yours.

Sometimes

Sometimes I think

what is life all about?

Sometimes I think

why it has to be such a tough bout.

Sometimes I wonder

what the world would be without me.

Sometimes I wonder

if I need to change the man you all see.

Sometimes I dream

Of waking up in the morning next to you.

Sometimes I dream

That you and I just will never do.

Sometimes I want

To kick back and relax with you.

Sometimes I want

To move on to someone new.  

Sometimes I need

Time to be left alone with my dark mind

Sometimes I need

to think about my past in rewind.

Sometimes I wish

I had someone to hear what's in my brain.

Sometimes I wish

I had someone to hear the pain.

Sometimes I feel

Like I'm ready to give it my all.

Sometimes I feel

Like I can't get up from a fall.

Sometimes I question

If my words can bring me where I want to go.

Sometimes I question

all that I’ve done and what I’m going to do.

Sometimes life is mine to take;

sometimes it’s a struggle to make,

but I remain because sometimes is never always.